Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down -21

A duck walks into a bar. Animal control is notified, and the duck is released into a nearby park.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Man 1- What's red, black, and white all over? Man 2- What? Man 1- Half a penguin! Man 2 became seriously disturbed from this joke, as he saw the movie Happy Feet two days ago. He went to intense therapy and became mentally deranged.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

A man is working at a bar. He feels a fly graze his left index finger, which has become a bit sweaty. The man rubs the finger for a moment, then continues to slice grapes for a customers synthetic japanese glue farm.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

What's the difference between Miley Cyrus and a dead baby? One is a popular singer and the other is a dead baby.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

jesus can walk on water but chuck norris can swim through land

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Why was 6 afraid of 7 ? Because 6 was registered as a sex offender

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Womens rights.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

What did the legless veteran get for christmas, The same grenade that blew up his legs.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

You walk into a plane full of Arabs talking about how much they hate America. You arrive at your destination enlightened about the problems in American society.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

What was sandusky's role at penn state turned tight ends into wide receivers

thumb_up thumb_down -21

A man walks into a bar and probably sustains serious head injuries and possibly a concussion as most bars are usually made out of solid metals such as iron or steel and is therefore not permitted by his doctor to engage in sports or other rigorous activities for an allotted period of time depending on the degree of his injury.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

why was the kid laying in the middle of the baseball field? he was shot in the face then mauled by a bear.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

What's black, blue, and read all over? The newspaper.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Why didn't the black boy get any presents from Santa? Because he isn't real.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

George W. Bush

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Q: What is the difference between a potato chip and a frog? A: Neither one of them is a flower.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

WHATS THE BEST AVENUE TIN SHACK AVENUE

thumb_up thumb_down -23

I'm rick james bitch

thumb_up thumb_down -23

A:how many notzies dose it change a light bulb B:none they made the jewish do it. :(

thumb_up thumb_down -23

NO! I'm putting it in my front room, you sick bastard!

thumb_up thumb_down -23

whats the difference between a ferrari in my garage, and a pile of dead babies in my garage. I do not have a ferrari but i do have a pile of dead babies

thumb_up thumb_down -23

How do you stop a baby from crawling in circles? Pick it up and put it in a crib, like a responsible parent.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

What do you do if you see a cat crossing the street? Hit it of course!

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops