A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

im a policeman the car infront of me had a foot hanging out of the trunk. i pulled him over. i closed the trunk and proceeded to inform him of the dangers of open trunks.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A man was walking down the street in the pitch black dark and he looked into a pitch black dark window. What did he see? Pitch black dark people.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

knock knock whos there? ughh omg youre dying what yeah dear god ok ill call 911 no im fine its just a seizure ok get well soon

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What did the mother say to her son when she saw his report card? I don't know. I wasn't there.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Your mom is so nerdy that she probably went to college, got her degree, then found a very successful job in a field that she finds interesting.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A shoemaker walks into a bar holding a shoebox with only one shoe inside. The bartender gives him a drink and asks "Say mister, why are you carrying that shoebox with one shoe?" The shoemaker says "Well sir, it's a long story." The bartender says "Okay, give me the short version." The shoemaker says "Okay, long story short, I'm not really a shoemaker." The bartender asks "Well buddy, what are ya?" The shoemaker gets up from his chair and says "I'm a guy missing shoe."

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What does a Cuban do when he gets a flat tire? He pulls over and replaces it.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

"Mommy! Look, I found a turtle!" "that's no turtle." "Oh..."

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What gets louder as it gets smaller? A baby in a trash compactor.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

If Hellen Keller could meet Obama, what would she say? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

roses are red violets are blue, were stuck to gather like superglue in tell you get the flu, then I'm not touching you :)

thumb_up thumb_down +12

But that just reinforces the negative stereotype that women don't have penises.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

noah is a scrub jungle

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why did Timmy drop his ice cream cone? Because a skyscraper landed on him. Yes. A skyscraper.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Q: What do you call a black man that's flying a plane? A: A pilot.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

How many zombies can you kill at once? about one or two unless your Chuck Norris with unlimited powers.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

if you have 5 oranges and 15 ice cubes, how many pancakes can you fit on the roof? red, because aliens dont wear shirts.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What did God say when he made his first black guy? Oh no I burned one! :)

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A man realizes the whole time he has wanted to fly like a bird. His funeral was two weeks later

thumb_up thumb_down +12

How are leprechauns and lions similar? The both start with L.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Midgets' mouths are perfect height for, kissing other midgets.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Roses are Red, Violets are Blue. Vodka is cheaper than dinner for two.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

whats a parkour kid? someone who jumps off things and is a pre-teen with adhd

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops