Q: If a hen-and-a-half can lay an egg-and-a-half in a day-and-a-half, how long would it take a peg-legged grasshopper to kick the seeds out of a dill pickle? A: He'd give up.

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What did the blind pole vaulter say to the speed skater? Hi, how are you?

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I asked my wife to make me a sandwich. I had forgotten she was dead.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Tulips are yellow Grass is green

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Have you seen Andrea Bocelli's new house? No. He hasn't either.

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Why did little jimmy fall off the building? 9/11

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Yo momma stank so bad, she might have a serious vaginal infection. You should take her to the hospital.

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Q: When there's something strange In your neighbourhood, Who you gonna call? A: The Local Authorities!

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How many licks does it take to get to the center of a lollipop? 782

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why did the blind kid cross the road... because he was sick of being blind

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What do you call a teenager who cant add? A Total Failure

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Q: What did Jenna Jameson say when she heard hard banging near the front door? A: Come inside

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An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a pub. They order drinks, then leave without speaking to each other. It was pure coincidence they walked into the bar at the same time. They had no connections to each other, them being from three different countries.

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Why does Michael J. Fox have a good handshake? He has a firm grip

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The schoolboy said to the bus driver, this is my stop the bus driver replied "no, we have a while to go yet"

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Whats better than winning a gold medal in the special olympics? Not being retarded

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roses are gay s is justin beber s are u justen beber eats crap

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What do you call an horse? A horse, because horse does not start with a vowel and that would be grammatically incorrect.

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Why did the cookie go to the doctor, beause he was feeling really crumby...becuase he has testicular cancer

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Your mother is so ugly that nobody wants to date her because she is hideous.

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what did the man write down? nothing,because at that time, his pen was out of ink, so he had to open his dest drawer to get another one

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My brother found a worm in his apple. I dared him to eat it, so he did. When he tried to swallow, the mashed up worm congealed in his throat, killing him. Later, I found out that the worm had poisonous rectum fluids. I was given the Nobel Peace prize.

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Why did the airplane crash? A loaf of bread was the pilot.

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What did the psychopath say to the firefighter? Can you lend me a few bucks? My clothes are dirty and I need to go to the launromat.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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