How do you make a baby crawl in circles? Nail its hand to the floor. How do you make a baby stop crawling? Nail the other one to the floor.

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What's the difference between a pelican? 28, because elephants have 4 legs.

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Chuck Norris has normal human strength.

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Bläeghen-Fassybìll-No?cheb!

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A Jew ran into a wall with a boner. He broke his nose first.

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Why was the baby flying? Because it's face was stapled to the propeller of a helicopter.

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What do you call a fat guy running on the street? Nothing because you should respect his effort trying to improve his health.

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Why did the girl stop smoking? Because her mum asked her to.

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Yo momma so stupid she threw a rock at the ground And missed.

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A man walks into a pet shop. He says to the shopkeeper, "Excuse me, do you have any dogs going cheap?" The shopkeeper replies "We feel that we price our animals reasonably, but the cheapest type of dog we have is £50." The man realises that, unfortunately, he cannot afford a dog so instead he purchases a goldfish. It wasn't the same.

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there were two cyclists cycling down a main road in china at exactly the same time and exactly the same pace, one being chinese and the other irish. why did the irish man get stopped and the chinese man not? because the irish man had in fact raped and murdered a young child in his native home town and then fled the country to china.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? The police. You're under arrest. The police you're under arrest who? Sir, if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves. We have a warrant for your arrest. Sir if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves we have a warrant for your arrest who? Sir we are authorized to use deadly force. If you don't comply we will shoot to kill. Sir we are authorized to use deadly force if you don't comply we will shoot to kill wh-

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When life gives you lemons, you are most likely in the fruit section of the grocery store.

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Why did Susie drop her ice cream? Because she got hit by a bus. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Susie.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I am a gardener

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Why are Asian people bad drivers? Coincidental cases of blurred vision.

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what do you call a farm without animals a house with a big yard

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q; whats small and high pitched a; rory johnston

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hi, my name is zack, i have a boner from the girl to my right(;

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The funniest thing happened the other day, it was like one went like this, and the other went like that, and then everyone laughed... ...Oh, its one of those where you would have had to be there to see how funny it was.

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Why did Kelsey run out of eggs? Horses don't have much sperm.

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A heavily drunk man walks into a bar and proceeds to die of alcohol poisoning.

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Ten green bottles hanging on the wall, Ten green bottles hanging on the wall, And if one alcoholic should one day stroll along: There'll be no more bottles hanging on the wall.

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Why can't a T-rex clap its hands? It's extinct.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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