- Anti Joke

There were two penguin's sitting in a bathtub. The first penguin says to the second penguin, "Hey, pass the soap." And the second penguin says, "What do i look like, an alarm clock?"

Roses are nice, Violets are glorious, Try not to scare, Oscar Pistorius.

What do you call a person with no arms or legs? I don't know, that's why I asked you.

What did the fork say to the spoon? To get to the other side.

If these walls could talk - the public would pay large sums of money to see this marvel of science. On a more serious note, they might also tell the cops about the many dead hookers stowed within them.

What did the apple say to the orange? Nothing because apples can't talk.

Why didn't the boy eat his soup? It was to hot.

What did the bank clerk say to the robber when he demanded all the money in the drawer? "Okay."

A bison trots into a bar. The bartender says, "My pee makes bubbles in the toilet." Amazed by the urination fact, the bison explodes.

A man walks up to you and asks you:"What's funnier than a dead baby?" and then smiles, you then proceed to frown and tell him he needs to seek help. The next day you see his face on your TV

A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

what did the teacher say to his student? do your work.

Q: How many babies does it take to paint a house? A: That depends how hard you throw them... Q: Whats worse than 10 babies nailed to 1 tree? A: 1 baby nailed to 10 trees...

Roses are gray Violets are black Don't judge me I'm color blind>.>

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I like saying the colors of flowers, Delphiniums are also blue.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? He was standing up.

A horse walks into a bar. The horse says "why the short face?"

She Explored My Body, Licked, Sucked, Swallowed! When Satisfied, She Left! . . . . Damn Mosquito!!!

why did the baby die? It was hit by a bus and then raped by a seal.

How do you tick off a Doctor? You cut off his right thumb.

How do you get out of a car with only a baseball bat and a hammer? Unlock the door.

Q. What's rare, horny, and a myth towards most guys who have never seen one? A. A Unicorn.

Why is the sky blue? Because it isn't red.

what's the difference between me and callum ? a couple of miles.... and id like to keep it that way