Roses are black Violets are black Everything is black I'm blind

thumb_up thumb_down +9

A man walks into me and I say: "WATCH IT PUNK!"

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why would you kill a black man? Well, murderers have different motives, the most common of these are revenge or a psychological illness.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

A man asks a young boy to get in his van. The kid, being very well-educated tells the man he cannot talk to strangers. So, the man tells the kid he understands, and drives away to another nearby child.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Roses are blu Violets are red Im colored blind

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Johnny fell out of the window. Except he didn't fall I pushed him

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Whats better than throwing a baby off a building? Catching it with a pitchfork.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Hey, I just met you, And this is crazy. But I have Alzheimer's... Hey, I just met you...

thumb_up thumb_down +9

A family walks into a talent agent's office. They do a cute family-friendly performance that they call "The Aristocrats."

thumb_up thumb_down +9

My mother's star sign was Cancer. Ironic how she died really. She was attacked by a giant crab.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Here's a riddle: What can you catch, but not throw? A really heavy ball, or STDs.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Roses are red, Violets are blue. Some poems rhyme, Some don't.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

I wondered why the piano was getting bigger. Then it hit me... I'm sorry I have visual agnosia

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What's scarier than a ghost? Practically anything as ghosts aren't real.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

"Mommy! Look, I found a turtle!" "that's no turtle." "Oh..."

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Q: What did Batman say to Robin before he got in the car? A: "Get in the car."

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Q: what's yellow and can't use chopsticks. A: corn

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot, you racist.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

How does a black man get to his parent's house on Christmas? He drives

thumb_up thumb_down +9

knock knock who's there? the paperboy the paperboy who? i lied, i'm a serial rapist, you should have looked through the peephole

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why did the Triceratops walk into a grocery store? To buy groceries

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why did grandpa climb the phone pole with bananas in a backpack? He has a debilitating disease. He is slowly losing touch with reality.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What's white and would kill you if it fell out of a tree? A refrigerator.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops