There once was a man from Nantucket, but he's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Your Momma’s muscle to fat ratio can only be explained in irrational complex numbers.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

This guy walks up to the bartender, and says to him, " ill bet you $100 that i can piss in this cup from 20 ft away." The bartender laughs, thinking hes gonna get an easy 100 bucks. he says "ok, u do that and ill watch." the guy says "ok but one second." he then walks over to this table full of guys and the bartender see him and them whispering and shaking heads. then the guys walks back over, and says to the bartender, "ok here i go" then he whips out his wang and starts pissing all over the place,all over the bartender, the counter, everywhere but the cup. Meanwhile the bartenders laughing, because he thinks he made some easy money. then the bartender asks the guy for his money and the guy says, "alright one minute." then the guys walks over to the table full of guys and they al start pulling out money and give it to him. so the guy walks over to the bartender and says, "here you are, your 100 bucks" the bartender notices him smileing and says "u just lost 100 bucks why are you happy?" and the guy says, " you see that table full of guys over there? well, i bet them all $500 dollars that i could piss all over you, your counter and all of your things, and that youd not only be happy about it, but youd laugh!!!"

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Eliza eh? Of you I do not know but at least you used the correct code yourself, I suppose Nero7 kept your existence hidden from most of us for a reason. This "point Zero" is no more, about time people got out of the fucking north pole anyways, he was buried there, as his identity and existence is better off kept secret from the outside world for reasons many, none the less because if he is found and identified, undesired company might track whatever loose threads he might have left, straight back to us and we are not exactly operating within the parameters of... Legality anymore. Listen, if you want to know more give me the code straight out (I could not care less about deciphering shit right now and we are leaving horseshit network anyways) And I will tell you what Major6 knows, because as far as the screams roaming these halls can tell, he is still alive, you just better be fast, my men and women are not exactly experts at keeping these people alive... Yet, but enough idle chitchat. If you are who you claim to be, you should have the code I need, bring it, and I will present you with the neccesary information... ...Fail to do so, and I suggest that you never address any of us again fair lady, while we can simply not be tracked down, the security here is... Do I need to say? Neo-Nero.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

why did the man have solar panels on his house? because he had some money left over cos he won the lottery

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Why did Sarah fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock Knock Who's there? Not Sarah.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop.

thumb_up thumb_down -46

Whats the difference between a black guy and a retard? NOTHING!!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -48

A man was drowning in a lake and so he asked God to save him. A man on a boat came by and said to the drowning man "Do you need any help?" The drowning man said "Yes! Thank God a boat came for me!" So the man on the boat pulled the man from the water and saved him.

thumb_up thumb_down -64

Why was the blonde woman crying? -because she witnessed her infant get sucked into a jet engine and was very sad.

thumb_up thumb_down -80

what did Tyrone get for Christmas he got shot by isis

thumb_up thumb_down -118

So this guy tells me he hasn't had a bite in weeks. So i bought him lunch.

thumb_up thumb_down +113

What happened when a fish rode a bike? It fell off and injured itself.

thumb_up thumb_down +109

Your mother is so fat, that she's working really hard to get back in shape so that she can support her family.

thumb_up thumb_down +69

Q. why didnt the boy get a christmas present from his dear grandmother? A. because she died on thanksgiving

thumb_up thumb_down +67

Why did the man smile at his wife? Because she had a silly looking face, like a fish.

thumb_up thumb_down +61

some one knocked on tims door, at the same exact time, someone died in africa

thumb_up thumb_down +59

What did the peanut butter say to the jelly?

thumb_up thumb_down +55

Wanna hear a joke? No.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

what did the catholic priest say to the little boy? -probably something about god or jesus because they are in church

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I'm a schizophrenic, and so am I.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

You know what happens when you assume. You jump to a conclusion that could conceivably have severe consequences.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Why did the man go to Chinatown? Because he was hungry.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Whats worse than a dead baby? 6 million dead Jews.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops