A woman is shopping at a grocery store. She picks up a half gallon of skim milk, 2 loaves of wheat bread, one dozen organic eggs, and some carrots. She goes to the checkout line. "You must be single." the clerk says. Amazed at the flattering insight of the clerk, the woman says, "Yes I am. How could you tell?". "Because you're ugly".

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What did the homeless man get for Christmas? He got many things, because everyone felt bad for him. Someone even brought him into their house so he could have Christmas dinner. On Christmas Day someone gave him fifty dollars to spend on food for his family. Only thing is, he didn't have a family.

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Why did the airplane crash? A loaf of bread was the pilot.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Well it all began in 1807 when a 7 foot rooster gave birth to a chicken on the sidewalk while purchasing ice cream. Scientists have been intrigued so they went into study with it and won the Nobel prize. This somehow persuaded them to lure the chicken over to the other side by using a lollipop. They threw the lollipop as the chicken crossed the road, hit it in the eye, the chicken spazzed out, jumped in front of a car, teleported to London, and is now a gynecologist.

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Like if you have a vagina. Also like if you have a dong. (Penis)

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Stand back, I don't want to hit anyone with the axe.

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why did the little boy start to cry? because his parents didn't love him

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Whats the difference between a baby and a bowling ball? I dont have a bowling ball stapled to my tree

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why did Susie cry? she got pecked in the face by a goose

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If the 49ers won the superbowl

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How did the deaf girl die? I beeped but she didnt hear me

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Last Christmas I gave you my heart. I am still waiting for a transplant.....

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Why can't Larry drive? Because he doesn't have his license, and his temps expired!

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What's white and can't climb trees? A fridge

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How do you wake up lady gaga? poke her face.

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knock, knock who's there? Dave. ....oh well dave's not here man.

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Sally has no arms. A: Knock kock? B: Whose there? Not Sally.

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How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? I do not know because it depends on the woodchuck; however, if some statistical evidence is gathered on the average amount of wood a woodchuck could chuck you most likely would get a close answer, considering that the statistical research was not flawed.

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What's big with fat all over it? Your mom on this dick

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Person A "did you hear about the cure for AIDS?" Person B "no." Person A "neither did I."

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I took my father out last night. We went to the Olive Garden.

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Why did the cow fall Cause a fat kid pushed him over

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How do you drown a black? - pop their lips

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How do you get a Mexicans attention? By calling him by his name.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops