What's the similarities between a spoon and a duck. Both are not a lamp

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How do you say the weekend in French? The weekend in French.

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why did the squrill leave his home an ax-man cut it down

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What's the difference between a dead baby and a tire iron? I've never forcibly expelled three tire irons from my vagina.

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Why can't Michael J. Fox draw a perfect circle? Because he's human.

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Q:How do you get better at boxing? A:Get a bigger package Daniel W. Schnurr

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What did the black fire-fighter do when the house caught fire? The heroic man ran inside and got every animal and person inside to the out side and then proceeded to extinguish the flames with his fire-extinguisher out, thus saving most of the families valuables. He was then awarded a raise in his salary for his heroic valor. Although any fire-fighter could have done this because of the hard work and dedication that is put into training. So really describing the race that this heroic man is was totally pointless.

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What's the best part about the school burning down? All the children trapped inside never had to grow up

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Why did the old man get the anti aging cream ? He failed 8th grade 50 times.

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Weebles wobble, but paralyzed kids fall down.

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.

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wanna hear a joke? womans rights

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When life gives you lemons, squirt the juice in life's eyes. Then life won't trust you with lemons.

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A blonde dies Lololol

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Why can't Benitio Mussolini win the war? Becuase he's dead.

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Hi im a joke i eat turtles

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whats the best part about ebola? nothing ebola is a dangerous virus

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So a platypus walks into a bar. He orders a drink and then goes home drunk. His wife doesn't approve of his drinking, so she took her children then left. The lonely platypus wandered around for days on end in the lonely silence. He realized he wanted a job, but he couldn't get one, and i lied. it wasnt a platypus. it never even haooened i wasted your time.

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An American, a French man, and Jew were all in an airplane about to skydive. Their skydiving instructor comes out and says, "I'm sorry, there seems to've been a mistake and we only have two parachutes." The company refunds them, and they, while reasonably disappointed, agree to reschedule the lesson.

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George Washington, a priest, a nazi and a jew are on a plane that's going to crash. There is only one parachute. George Washington says "For my country" and jumps off without a parachute. The priest says "For God" and jumps off without a parachute. The nazi says "For Hitler" and pushes the jew off and takes the parachute.

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A red and blue penguin are taking showers. The red penguin can't find the soap so he yells down the hall to the blue penguin "Hey, where is my soap?" The blue penguin replies, "What do I look like a typewriter?"

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Q: What do you call 10 babies at the bottom of the ocean? A: Dead

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A: What's that on your shoulder? B: A birthmark. A: How long have you had it? B: Don't know.

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A man was about to be assassinated. The assassin said "do you have any last wishes? The man said he wished that a meteor would fly down and kill the assassin. A meteor actually did come down but that was predicted years back. The meteor fell on the assassin and killed him, the man, and any living thing aboveground on Earth.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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