Two Pigs are in a bath. One pig says to the other "pass me the soap", to which the other pig replies "Do I look like a typewriter?"

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How do you treat lice Avoid getting them

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I'm a Banker. A woman asked if I could check her balance... So I pushed her off a cliff.

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*Dubstep* CHEW CHEW CHEW CHEW CHEW BWAB BWAB

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one morning i turned on my tv

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Why do black people always sit in the back of the bus? There aren't any available seats in the front.

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What's worse than putting stones in a blender? Putting a baby in a blender.

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Why are babies like shake weights? Cause If you shake them long enough, they both end up being inanimate objects.

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A man walks to his coathanger and shouts: "I AM GOING TO THE STORE!" his wife says not to because the Rapist 'Eggman' was out again. He says he will be careful. On his way to the store, he hears "They are the Eggmen, I am the Eggen-" but the man shouts "AND I'M THE WALRUS, SO SHUT UP AND GET OUTTA MY FACE OR I'LL KOO-KOO KOO-JOOB YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN!" Rapist and the singer became friends and found two more from Liverpool who were excellent musicians. They formed the band 'The Beatles'. The Eggman shot the Walrus in 1980 after the band's breakup.

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What did the foreigners do to pass time? They blew up the twin towers.

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What's worst then getting struck by lightening? your face.whats worse then seeing your face? NOTHING

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Why did Justin Bieber wake up Lady Gaga? He needed to ask her a question.

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A man dies on the operating table and finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates. St Peter looks at him and says " You are having a hallucination due to all the drugs they have given you and because your brain releases chemicals when you die. I am not real and there is not heaven or a god."

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All I can say is that its not the feds, and not Interpol nothing "legal" nor anything belonging to the state as far as we can tell. You all stay locked up, and I will make sure this little geek with shitty breath does not say anything about you, as for the rest, I cant say much.

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what did the orange say to the apple? hi

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Why did the Jewish cross the road? He didn't he died in Holocaust.

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how do goldfishes drown? you pull them backward water fills there lung and there die

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Why did the black guy drink the kool aid? Because there was a glass of kool aid next to him and he was thirsty.

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how do you make a plumber cry? you pull its pants up

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What did the dog say to the tree? Bark.

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Two Black Males walk into a bar. A white old lady leaves cautiously. Everyone else stays and has a great time with them as they are actually two very good guys, and funny too.

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So a guy walks into the doctors and say "Doctor it hurts when i poke my knee like this" the doctor says "Let me see your hand" the doctor squeezes the patients finger and the patient says "ow!" the doctor says "now poke you knee again" the patient pokes his knee and says "it still hurts" so the doctor comes to a conclusion and says " you dont have a broken kneecap you have a broken finger, stupid, now get out and leave me alone!"

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Why did Sally fall out of the tree? Because She had no arms or legs... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Knock-Knock? Who's There? Not Sally

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His Royal Highness was hunting in the forest accompanied by his squires and hunting dogs. A man, screaming, ran wildly out of the brush and addressed the hunting party. He said, "DON'T SHOOT! I AM NOT A MOOSE!! PLEASE DO NOT SHOOT!!!!" The king calmly raised his rifle to his eye and fired, hitting the man in the temple, and instantly killing him. A squire frantically turned to the king and said "Sire! Why did you kill this man?! He CLEARLY said he was not a moose!" The King replied "Oh! I thought he said he WAS a moose..."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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