What did the husband say when his wife startled him as she appeared coming out of the kitchen? You scared me.

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What do you call a skeleton in a closet? The hide-and-seek champion.

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A man walks outside and sits down to eat his sandwich.

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Q: What does Jerry Sandusky and bills have in common? A: They both come in the mail

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Why is elmo sad? He was brutally raped by Dora :D

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In soviet russia, the cow milks you!

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What do you call a horse with bread on its ears? Boris, because that's his name.

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if life gives you lemons. squeeze one into your moms eye.

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what's funnier than a dead baby nailed to a tree? Pretty much anything because infant mortality is in no way funny

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whaT DID HEVEN SAY TO THE FRIDGE hAVE YOU GOT A COLD

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Woman: do u want to watch Snakes on a Plane? Man: sure, what is it about? Woman: It's about a horse on a boat

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Johnny had 100 chocolate bars. He ate 95 and gave 3 to his friend. What does Johnny have now? Diabetes

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What would you do for a Klondike bar? Pay a reasonable sum of money.

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What's purple, blue, red, orange, yellow and green. A rainbow .

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Q: John gets attacked with a chainsaw, how many stitches does he get? A: None, Hes dead jim

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There was 2 friends named Shutup and Trouble. They were camping and Trouble got lost in the woods. Shutup called the police. Shutup: Hello, is this 9-1-1 my friend is missing. Police: What is your name sir? Shutup: Shut up Police: What? Shutup: Shut up Police: What did you say? Shutup: I said Shut Up Police: Hey are you looking for TROUBLE? Shutup: Yes! Police: Guess what? We found him, he's safe in the station. We will have a officer come by a drop him off. Have a good day Mr. Shutup Shutup: Thank you

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A little blind girl goes up to her mum and says, "Mummy, mummy, when will I be able to see?" Her mum replies "I'll tell you what, I'll take you to the chemist and get you some special cream for your eyes and you will be able to see in the morning." So off they went to the chemist, got the cream, and went home, all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited at the prospect of being able to see again. Once they got home, the mother put the cream on the little girls eyes, wrapped a bandage around her head, and took her to bed. The following morning the little girl stumbled into her mums bedroom and excitedly shouted "Quick mummy, take off the bandage so that i will be able to see again." So the mother slowly took of all the bandages, taking her time, and all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited. Once they were off the little girl said "But mummy, I still can't see." To which the mother replied, "April fool!"

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Roses are red, violets are blue, you have a disease, it's called cancer.

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Why was the pizza mad? Because he was going thorough a growth spurt and the testosterone got to him.

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?" The horse replies, "I just found out my wife has cervical cancer."

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Why was the emo kid sad? Because he gets raped by his dad every night

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What is rainbow-colored, makes no sounds, and smells like a banana? A rainbow-colored banana

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What's worse than getting a paper cut? Getting shot in the face.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing. She had no arms. Knock Knock Who's there Not Sally

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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