what the difference between a dog and a blue whale? im going to burn your house down

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Every time I walk across the street I do the Hitler march and raise my arm straight out to salute him, if I feel like holding up traffic, I take smaller steps

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A brunette, a redhead and a blonde are on the run from the police. They see a barn, and decide to hide inside it. They find three burlap sacks, and each hide in one. The police enter the barn, arrest each of the girls, and sentence them to life imprisonment for murder.

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Who cut the cheese? It's sliced so evenly.

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why did the chicken eat his brother? he was a canivore

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Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Suzie!

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Why couldn't Billy eat his dinner? Because a black man amputated his hands.

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John has 37 candy bars and eats 36 of them? What does John have? Diabetes, John has Diabetes.

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It was okay, then Alice my friend and a nurse insisted (she can be a total bitch) I take a painkiller, of course that messed up my focus completely and threw off my hypnotic suggestion which I use to shut down the pain receptors. Ironically I cannot seem to shut off my allergy to dust. Oh, yeah it was the standard bullshit Mensa test, ten patterns or something, oh and while I am terrible at trivia, I am actually much smarter than a fifth grader, I mean one kid told me he was smarter because he could do math better than me and he could, so I choked the little bitch to death, who is the smartest one now?

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Why did the american block the road? Because he just ate at Mc donalds.

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A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Get out".

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What has 4 legs and doesn't move? A child born in Chernobyl.

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Q: What do you call a Jew in space? A: An astronaut you racist bastard!

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What did the unicorn eat for a snack? Nothing. Unicorns are a majestic fiction animal.

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roses are red violets are microwaves i have amnesia what ma name iiizzz 'SHAWTAY

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A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear, The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf." (props- Marty Smith)

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A horse walks into a bar, the bartender says "why the long face?" the horse then says nothing because horses cannot talk, only humans can talk.

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What is the worst joke to tell a Orphan? Knock Knock Who's there Not your parents ( Man than slams door in little girls face)

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What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Clause? Tiger Woods is a well-known golfer and Santa Clause is a mythical man who delivers presents to young children.

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flashback 2010 bears vs. packers vs. bears- why did'nt the packers want to go to soldier field? because they didnt want to pass another 6 flags!

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why did the girl fall off the swing ? because she had no arms.

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what's the square root of pi? nothing. why would you add roots to pie, how gross.

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What's the difference between a bench and a black guy? A bench can support a family

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Why did the gay kid drop his ice cream Because he got punched in the face.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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