Why did i get some thing to eat? Because i was hungry.

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So I have an idea that will solve both world population and hunger problems! I call it the Omni-Abortion law. The idea is that all babies must be aborted and then eaten. Progressive, right?

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Why was the boy sad? Because his pet bird couldn't fly. Why couldn't the bird fly? Because it was dead.

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A dancer walks into a barre

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Why did the man walk into the wall? He was blind.

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Knock knock. ... Knock knock. ... Knock knock. ... The FedEx man leaves, realizing that no one was home, and continues on with his job.

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Why did the man run away from the cat? He was allergic

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Q: What do you call Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. A: two things: Their names, and a doctor because they are both in need of a nutritionist.

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Where do cows go on the weekends? The slaughterhouse.

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joe galasso from plainview ny

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Why couldn't the black man be an astronaut? He was not qualified for the Job

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What's brown and rhymes with snoop? Dr. Dre.

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Knock Knock... Who's there? JUST LET ME IN!

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Inbreeding is really funny if you think about...

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An old bear-wrestler dies and finds himself at the pearly gates. Confused and at a loss for words due to the unfamiliar circumstance and lack of public toilets, he blurts out "Saint Peter, I presume?" but it was just the train conductor. "Ticket please." He searched his pockets and finally found the ticket. He wished he had a dog, but not a seeing-eye dog because people would assume he was blind. This story illustrates the importance of situational awareness, remembering which pocket you put your ticket in, and not forgetting to go before you leave because you don't know when you'll be able to find a restroom.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? A: WHERE'S MY TRACTOR?!

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What did the mother say to her son when she saw his report card? I don't know. I wasn't there.

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A plane carrying an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman is destined to crash unless some weight is lost. First they drop the spare engine, but there is still too much weight. Then they drop the luggage, but still there is too much weight. All three men then jump out. The plane crashes anyway.

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Why couldn`t Sally open the jar? Because she did not have thumbs.

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6 in every 9 people find a dirty reference in every joke. This statistic is in fact false, as 5 in 9 people actually find a dirty reference.

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Why are the deserts so dry? Obama

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Why did the black guy have a bunch of marihuana? He was the owner of a shop that sold it for medical purposes.

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How many black people does it take to solve a complex physics equation? Trick question

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Yo mama is so old, that it's becoming apparent that she is most likely developing severe senial dementia

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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