Q. What do humans and jelly beans have in common ? A. Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

whats worse then getting sat on by a hippo getting sat on by Matt Ross

thumb_up thumb_down +13

a father listens to his son while he was on the computer. he heard "BABBY BABBY OHHHHH" and busted in He was releaved to find him masterbating to porn because he thought it was Justin Beiber

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What's sad about three black men in a Cadillac driving off a cliff? They were my friends.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why did the boy get and iphone? It was his birthday

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Really sorry Red, I did not mean to leave you hanging, and I hope you wont leave me hanging either, I just need my meds or thinks can get ugly, my health, I can tell you and even show you what my condition is, and heck show you my meds, but there are certain things even I wont spread on horsehead network, you know, people are so bitchy here on the internet, and if people knew what I got, yeaaah, I may start getting green thumbs, and I HAAAAAAATE those. Seriously, on a scale of zero (my ass) to ten, how insane do you see me as?

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What is square, brown, and smells funny? A box with a dead body in it.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What happened to the homosexual jiggalo? He ended up getting aids from having anal sex with various men which is not the best idea because the anus where poop comes from.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Your adopted

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What's worse than a worm in your apple? The Holocaust No, the Holocaust never even happened, you're an idiot.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Q. What do cows and grass have in common? A. They both moo, except for grass ????????????

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Today is jessica's birthday and she is turnig 6 She walks in the living room to tell her dad its her birthday. Jessica"Dad, Dad guess how old i am today!" Dad "How old?" Jessica"6 dad im am 6". she walks into the kitchen to tell her Grandad Jessica" papa papa guess how old i am today" Grandad"Well for me to know this you would have to take of your panties" as he tells her she did as she was told. her grandad fingers her and smells her panties. He tells her "You are 6 today" Jessica"How did you know" Grandad"I listen as you told your dad in the dinning room".

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Q: How many dwarfs does it take to change a light bulb? A: 1 or 2. One to change the light bulb and maybe another one to guards the staircase for the safety of the first one when the ceiling is too high (Wich happens almost every time because they are dwarfs.)

thumb_up thumb_down +11

A Jewish man answered his phone one day. The man on the line said he'd kill him and all his family. The Jewish man then hung up the phone and resumed his everyday life.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Joe is a negotiator. When joe sees someone in trouble, he tries to help them out of it by talking. Joe failed to talk to Osama bin laden correctly. Joe is no longer living in this world. Joe drank his sorrows away and died from the alcohol in his body. Osama is completely unrelated to this, his family died in a car crash.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Linda: See that rainbow? Isn't it beautiful? Bart: I'm color blind.... Linda: Well...this is awkward...

thumb_up thumb_down +11

When a Jew with a boner walks into a wall what hits first? It really depends weather his arm or leg is sticking out when he hits the wall. When studying trejectory sciences, you will find out that it will be nearly a 95% chance that his foot will in fact hit the wall first.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What is white and flys at you from a tree? A refridgarator. I lied about the flying part.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What would you say if you girlfriend got hit by a train? Trick question, trains don't go through kitchens!

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Knock Knock whose there your parents your parents who your parents just got malled by a hobo with an axe.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Two scientists are experimenting with sulfuric acid. One scientist says to the other, "Did you see the new intern?" In the process of turning to face the first scientist, the second scientist knocks the beaker over and spills sulfuric acid all over the first scientist's hand. The first scientist writhes in pain as the second scientist rushes to find a strong base to neutralize the burn. After a few minutes, the first scientist is rushed off to the emergency room and suffers from some serious chemical burns.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why did the man complain of pain in his ankle? Because several consecutive tissue samples of the area revealed a rapidly metastasizing neoplasm. Blood samples indicated the presence of what appeared to be Hodgkins Lymphoma. He had multiple MRI's and bodily fluid tests to confirm the diagnosis. The man was very wealthy, however, and had world class doctors treat him. He then donated a vast portion of his wealth to research. 12% of the donated money went into studying the medicinal effects of Twinkies.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops