What's the difference between a dead black man in the road, and a dead dog in the road? One is a human being that probably leaves behind family and friends that will miss his absence. The other is an animal that will also be missed, but to a lesser degree since dogs don't form a bond with people other than the family it shared its life with. In either of the two cases, if I witnessed the accident that caused the death, I would promptly notify the authorities so as to make sure that the driver of the vehicle that hit them would be subjected to a breathalyzer test.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What do you call a white man sitting between two black men on a bus? A group of three people having a friendly conversation about the upcoming football season.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What did Osama Bin Laden say to Hitler? Nothing, because they clearly never made contact with each other, owing to the fact that Osama was born approximately 13 years after Hitler had committed suicide

thumb_up thumb_down +3

So there's this girl who really wanted red socks. She goes to the store, socks are $2. Well, that sucks, she thinks. I only have $1. So she goes home and asks her mom for a buck. Sure, the mom replies. I'll give you a buck if you fix my vacuum cleaner. So the girl fixes the vacuum cleaner, mom giver her the buck. The girl goes to the store, but wait. Socks are $3 now. Girl goes home, asks her dad for a buck. Sure, the dad replies. I'll give you a buck if you fix my car. Girl fixes car, dad gives het a buck. Girls goes to store.Well damn, the socks are $4 now. She goes home and asks her brother for a buck. Sure, her brother replies. I'll give you a buck if you fix my computer. Girl fixes computer, brother giver her a buck. Girl goes to store and FINALLY buys the socks. She comes home. Mother dead. Vacuum cleaner exploded. For 1 month the girl mourns her mom. Finally she can wear her socks. Ah crap, car accident. After 1 month mourning her dad she can finally wear the socks. Well, turns out she can't. Brother dead cause of exploded computer. After yet another month of mourning, she can FINALLY wear her red socks. So she does. Suddenly the doorbell rings. The girl opens the door and there's a polar bear standing in front of her. What did the polar bear say? WELL NOTHING, BECAUSE POLAR BEARS CANNOT TALK!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A guy said a racist joke and he got beat up now he is in the hospital for what he said.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What did the alcoholic tell his son? Don't do meth.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why didn't the 12-year old boy eat his birthday cake? He has diabetes and would likely die from the increased spike in insulin.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

mary poppins' handbag is full of dick

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What do you call a kid with an eye-patch and a speech impediment? Names.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What do you call an amazing person Good

thumb_up thumb_down +3

The first cow: are you worried about mad cow disease? the second cow: no, im a helicopter

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What did the woman say when her boyfriend asked her to marry him? Idk my bff jill.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Yo momma is so fat that....actually she's quite fit and i'd love to take her out on a date.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did Bill correct Matt when he called him Jim? Because that wasn't his name.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

When life gives you lemons you are like "how did I get these lemons?"

thumb_up thumb_down +3

knock knock whos there. no one your hullicinating, heroine is hell of a drug

thumb_up thumb_down +3

An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman walked into a bar. The Englishman ordered a lager, the Irishman ordered a Guiness, and the Scotsman ordered tap water.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How Do You Solve A Impossible Math Question? You Dont. cause its impossible.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was simply wandering around and happened to walk from one side of the road to the other.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

why did bill gates sue his banks? Because he can

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A man went to his doctor and said, "Doctor, every time I hit my hand with a hammer, it hurts!" Then both him and his doctor died; so it didn't matter.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A man comes into a bar. Wait, it's a horse. A man comes into a horse.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What happens when you run over a mexican? The country gets one less illegal immigrant.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

My mother always said that jumping in piles of leaves was fun. That was before she died of pancreatic cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops