I was having sex with my girlfriend the other night and she called me a pedofile. i told her that was a pretty big word for a 9 year old.

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What do you call a old guy watching little kids in a pool? a life guard

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Why did Suzy drop her ice cream? Because she got hit by a bus. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Suzy!

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What's worse than being raped? Being raped after getting raped.

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P0P T4Rt

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Why did the homosexual rapist walk into the pizza shop? Because he was hungry after a long day of raping little boys.

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A Muslim, a Jew, a Christian, and an Atheist are eating at the same table. They are friends, and they do this from time to time.

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How do u save someone from dieing of cancer? U shoot them in the head

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Why was the little Latino boy sad? Because his father sexually molested him earlier in the evening.

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knock knock. who's there? I am. I am who? I am pregnant

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Jesus the comedy skits: 1. Jesus just hanging around on a sunny day getting a bit philosophical... Jesus hanging on the cross screaming towards the sky: "FATHER WHYY!?" God: *Giant thunderbolt across the sky as a giant storm begins, it rains whirlwinds etc supposedly worst storm since Noah`s ark according to The History Network* Wet,cold Jesus with ringing ears: *Gurgle* *spits* ... WTF kinda answer is that? Could you not just have said because I work in mysterious ways or something equally stupid? TRUE fact: "then the lordeth sent forth a hailstorm of epic propotions in order to silence all of his insolent children, this was before the burning ashes and the sharp nails of course" -History channel 2. Jesus The wiseguy eh? Jesus being wise: "Only he that hates his mother and father can become my a student of mine" "And as thus God commanded that a single spiky cross with his son`s measurements where made, when Peter asked oh why lordy lordeth? God responded: Because of sin" and all was good" "Then Peter asked Goddeth, oh lawdy lawd, what is sin? God replied: Something original now shaddap!, and all was good?" 3. Brokeback Jesus fact: The bible does not use the word Donkey. "Jesus, why doest thou enter thy neigbors home and ride upon his large ass?" Jesus the psychic: "I shallt just ride upon his ass for a few hours, then God shall take ride his ass back", Ugh, I just got the feeling this is going to sound total Ass in the future... Who is quoting us by the way? -History channel. 4. Jesus the: Dumbass moments extended "Then Jesus touched upon the fig tree that denied him figs that WINTER, later the fig tree was dead for its lazyness" (real if not correctly quoted Jesus fact Kay?) Fact: Fig trees dont exactly look alive during winters, besides no trees give fruit during winter. "Then Jesus proceeded to demand eggs from a rooster, which he killed for the roosters lazyness" "Then Jesus proceeded to milk a bull and..." 5. Real story that does not quite make sense to me. Some blind guy was possessed by Legion, when they (WE ARE LEGION aka bunch of demons) saw Jesus they begged him not to kill them, as they would face God`s wrath. Jesus seemingly spared their life by putting Legion`s into several pigs... Which ran off and drowned themselves in the nearby river. ...Why did they suicide? Was it so humiliating going from a blind old man, towards pigs that they literally drowned themselves (one of the more painful deaths there are) and then probably faced da lawds wrath anyways?

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Why couldn't Jimmy ride his bike? His family had to sell it in order to put food on the table

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What do you think about whats happening in the middle east right now? You're an idiot.

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Why did suzie fall of the swing? She had no arms.

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I you beat Chuck Norris in arm wrestling, you will be proud of yourself and he will go home with nothing.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because someone was chasing it.

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A jew walks into a bar. The bartender says "get out you jew!" The bar tender apparently was a Nazi.

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Why didn't Bill go to the party? He wasn't invited.

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What's a four letter word that ends with "rape"? Stop.

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your matriarchal component is so overweight that her body mass index is over the desired level for her height and age

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q: whats fat hairy and always eats mcdonalds a playboy model i lied about everything

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Tia is a dumb website. Turn 0ff blah

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Cracked.com the only (depressive) "humor" site.

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How do you start a Mexican parade? You roll a quarter down a hill

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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