Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. ;)

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Why do turtles walk slow? They are physically incapable of walking fast.

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What's the difference between a Christian and a Jew? One believes in Jesus, the other doesn't.

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Three men walk into a bar. One of them is not planning to consume alcohol because they are responsible and he is the designated driver.

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America

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12/23/2012

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Why did the elephant paint his toenails orange? Because he wanted to hide in the pumpkin patch

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How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? They sent her to her room without dinner.

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Person A: I think your father might be a thief, I'm not sure though. Person B: How come? person A: I cannot find my virginity. Person B: I apologize my dad taught me well.

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Yo momma so fat, when she runs she makes the cd played skip, at the radio station!!!

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Why did the dog have no legs? Because its previous owner had cut them off.

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Jesus, Mohammed, and Moses all walk into a bar. They sit down at a table and glare at each other before turning to watch the baseball game. They support opposing teams.

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What did the mexican do when 3 INS workers came to his house? He showed them his papers and it turns out he was a natural born US citizen. The mexican then proceeded to invite the INS into his home for a cup of coffee but they respectfully declined

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Knock Knock Who's There? Betty Betty Who Betty Sue Never heard of ya I'm here from the management. You have a present. I don't care, we don't take kindly to you city folks. But Sir, If you don't take this I will have to ask you to leave. Well what is it. It's your bill. Knock knock Who's there? Cowabunga! Cowabunga Who? Moo Moo alalalalalal woohoo i'm so high

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Why did the war end? Because one country surrendered. They were getting beat pretty bad, it seemed like the only viable option.

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I dunno, I dont grade love, I want to see you, touch you, bang you (sorry for not having the guts to use a nicer word, but I am tired and that is what I have in me now) And while that makes me sound like some hippy, I am very fucking picky about who I spend time with, and when. And I got no male friends, waste of time, why spend time with guys when I can spend time with chicks. Excuse me, just need my meds, speaking of sincerity, yeah I use medications, wont tell you what, but its well, not for my "mental disorders" I was born crazy, and I am going to die like I live: INSANE.

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what do black and white people have in common? when they dont wear sunscreen, they get sunburnt, except for black people.

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A dyslexic man walks into a bra. He is promptly arrested for sexual harassment.

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A man walks into a bar. Sup.

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Jesus walks on water Chuck Norris swims through land

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Male leadership.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Super Monkey Ball Deluxe. Super Monkey Ball Deluxe who? Oh no.

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A man copied someone else's joke on anti-joke, people looked at it and said "That's funny, but they copied it", then they moved on to the next one.

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Asexuals aren't known for f***ing around.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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