Once upon of time, there was an ugly duckling. It was so ugly that everyone died. The end.

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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." Then there is silence and a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone the guy says "I shot in the air and my friend heard it and moved. I think he's still alive." The operator says "Good that means he's still breathing and he's not dead."

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How do you stop a dog from digging up your garden? Every time it does so, shout at the dog so it knows it has misbehaved. Keep doing this and the dog will eventually understand the error of its ways.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Probably because this chicken had a mental disability and saw on the news that there was a hospital on the other side of the road that could treat his illness and possibly save his life, allowing him to fulfill his life-long dream of retirement. But knowing that chickens do not possess the brain power capable of understanding the situation that this chicken was in, it had probably gotten lost and just wandered off.

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What is a turkey? The offspring of a turtle and a monkey.

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#Last Christmas I gave you my heart #And as far as I know #The transplant was a complete sucess #And you have recovered from your operation #And are now well again #This year to save me from tears #I'll donate my kidneys

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A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks what he'd like to drink. The man pulls out his gun, shoots the surprised bartender, and proceeds to execute all the patrons of the bar and finally commit suicide. A post-mortem identification of the man identifies him as a victim of childhood sexual abuse and a diagnosed schizophrenic. There is a nice funeral for all the victims and the media respectfully minimizes exposure of the event.

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A blonde, redhead, and a brunette are about to be executed by a firing squad. Before they shoot the brunette, they ask if she was any last words. “Look, a tornado!” Then they shoot her.

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if john has 400 cookies and eats 300 what does he have left? diabetes

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You're so fake, Barbara Millicent Roberts is jealous of you.

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What's fat and ugly? Your face ... But only if its fat and ugly

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why was little timmys mother so upset on mothers day? Because he had been abducted earlier that week

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How many black people does it take to screw in a light bulb? One.

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What do u call a ginger man with no ears? What ever the hell u want Because he's deaf

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Whats worse than cutting yourself with scissors? Being forced into a blender by your baby's ghost.

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How many pancakes does it take to lift up a dog house? Silly goose, alligators can't fly!

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a gay guy is in a club, from across the room he sees another attractive man with now shirt and he gets an erection.

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A man walks into a shop and picks up some items for his party. He walks out of the shop without paying for the items. The police are promptly called and the man receives a 4 year sentence in prison for shoplifting.

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A good antijoke? Going to the last few pages of the "Popular" antijoke section....

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What do you call a black man holding a stone with bloody hands A hard working stone mason

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What do a raven and a writing desk have in common? I have no idea.

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How much does a dead battery cost? Nothing, it's free of charge.

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how do u make a baby cry? you shouldnt. Stop thinking of ways to make a kid cry... asshole.

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What did the apple say to the orange? Nothing, fruit can't talk.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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