How do you get a drugged man, a giant sombrero, and a guitar into a Chuck-E-Cheese? You take multiple trips.

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What did the man say to the cat? Nothing it had his tongue

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The american education system.

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Q: If your 17 year-old-daughter is a drug addict, how many cartwheels are you going to have to do to make it to Georgia? A: The French Revolution, because your grandmothers facebook shows an 11 year-old selling Concords to a green alien, which can only mean that over 600 people watch pórn daily.

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Excuse me, do you have any gnats? Yes, plenty. Thank you

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Probably because this chicken had a mental disability and saw on the news that there was a hospital on the other side of the road that could treat his illness and possibly save his life, allowing him to fulfill his life-long dream of retirement. But knowing that chickens do not possess the brain power capable of understanding the situation that this chicken was in, it had probably gotten lost and just wandered off.

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What did one ocean say to the other? Nothing, oceans don't have hands to wave either

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Roses are blue Violets are red I got this backwards Carpets are nice

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Q: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if he tore his ACL last week trying out for wood chucking nationals? A: Woodchucks don't possess the ability to chuck wood, nor do they have ACLs.

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What glows in the dark and is really annoying? A glow in the dark chimpanzee

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Doctor, doctor, I just swallowed a roll of film! That was an incredibly foolish and dangerous thing for you to do. I would be surprised if you survived another day before the chemicals corrode your stomach lining and release hydrofluoric acid throughout your body causing sepsis.

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How do you stop a train? You stand in front of it.

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Q: Why did Jimmy not have balls? A: A terrible, terrible sand paper accident.

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What is life? Paul.

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How do you make a blonde fall off of a cliff? You push her off of the cliff.

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What's blue and smells like sky? Sky

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What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I've got a gun, get in the van.

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What's the difference between a ferrari and pile of dead babies? I don't have a ferrari in my garage.

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What's stupid a light bulb.

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Why was the little boy crying? Because a stranger shoved explosives up his butthole.

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Technically rainbows are white.....and have gold at the end.

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The President, The Pope, and a small child are all in an airplane when the pilot announces that the plane is going to crash. They crash into the ocean and quickly remember that there is a life vest under their seats, which they promptly put on and safely inflate after exiting the cabin of the aircraft.

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What does Chuck Norris order at McDonalds? A Big Mac with a large fry and drink.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops