why did the monkey fall out of the tree? it was dead why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? it was stapled to the first one why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? peer pressure

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Like does not mean said. You can blame Justin Bieber for that one, cuz he was like "Baby Baby Baby" and I was like "no"

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? No Neither has he!

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Roses are Red, Violets are Blue. Vodka is cheaper than dinner for two.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What do you call a dolphin mixed with a cheetah? I have no idea I was hoping you knew.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

One time, I saw this guy on stilts and thought it would be hilarious if someone pushed him over. Then some guy pushed him over and broke his neck.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

A man runs into a bar, sits down in a hurry and demands a beer from the bartender. The bartender looks at him wearily, but shrugs, pours him a beer and sets it down in front of him. The fat naked man then drinks the beer and leaves.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

A squirrel walks up to a tree and says "I forgot to store my nuts for winter now I am dead". Ha! It's funny because the squirrel gets dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Q: what's worse than getting the flu? A: getting cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What did Jimmy get for his first bithday A coffin

thumb_up thumb_down +13

why did the homeless man die? because everyone does.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What does "Ford" stand for? Nothing. It's the name of the company founder, not an acronym.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, and the very next day, I died because I didn't have a heart.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

what do you call a deer with no eyes? Blind

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Today I wanted to make world peace.... So I killed everyone.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What's funny to laugh at dying? JEWS!

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What do you call a bright orange fish? A gold fish.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

A man came home one day, drunk and feeling horny. He proceeded to the bedroom where he found his wife just getting into bed in a lace bra and sexy underwear. This turned him on even more so he cuddled up to her and whispered seductivly in her ear before kissing her neck. His wife was not in the mood for sex so she shot him

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What separates man from animal? Divorce.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

what do you call a white man who appears to be standing on water? a surfer

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A very unfortunate blind fish.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

A black man walks into a bar. The bartender asks him to leave.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

How do you keep an elephant from charging? Ask nicely.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Man: Am i going to be alright? Doctor: No, you're going to die.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops