What's the difference between a baby and an onion? One is a vegetable and the other is a human being.

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What's the difference between Mel Gibson and a pineapple? Well at a molecular level, not much because both are made up of atoms.

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What did the man with aids say? "I'm dying and there is nothing you can do about it"

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the lemon was sweet.

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Why did Phil Krahn cross the road? Because he is gay

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree It was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree It was stapled to the first monkey Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree Peer pressure.

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Roses are grey Violets are grey I am colorblind I hate my life

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Yo mamas so poor, she should probably find a source of consistent payment to support herself.

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A student often slept through his alarm, which led to a lower class attendance rate and thus a poor performance on his exam

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What does "Fiat" stand for? "Fabbrica Italiana Automobili Torino."

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What do you put your key on? A key chain.

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school homewrok

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How do you get 100 midgets into a mini? You have to manufacture a mini big enough to accommodate 100 midgets. It won't be street legal, but at least your problem with fitting the midgets in the mini is solved.

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What did the dead man say to God? I'm dead.

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What has three legs and herpes? A male prostitute.

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A man walks into a bar, and is brutally slaughtered by eight drunk customers.

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Why did the blind man have a poo Because he needed one.

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what do you call a a miget crossed with a vampire? A miget, vampires are a figment of you're screwed up imagination.

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Nerochan, it was really nice chatting with you, I hope we can chat some other time... Please tell me why you are upset with me, just pick up the phone, I mean let me know what I did you wrong.

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "why the long face?" The horse does not reply as it is a horse and horses cannot speak. The bartender realises his stupid mistake and calls the farm the horse came from. The horse is taken back to the farm and fed some hay. The bartender carries on living his life and then dies of natural causes at a very old age.

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "Why the long face?" The horse does not respond because it is a horse. It can neither speak nor understand English.It is confused by it's surroundings and gallops out of the bar, knocking over a few tables.

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What did the Muslim say to the Jew? Nothing, as he has been deaf since birth and is incapable of forming coherent speech.

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Q: What's the difference between a jew and a pizza? A: One is a person, one is a food.

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How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?  The woodchuck's ability to chuck has been left indeterminable. Therefore until the wood chuck's prowess in wood chucking is brought to light we must leave it a variable. Using the coefficient (L) to represent wood that can possibly be chucked. Then using (C) to represent the life cycle of said wood chuck chucking. We are also assuming this woodchuck will remain vigilante and not require food or sleep for the entire duration of chucking ultimately lowering is maximum chucking output. From this we can determine the W.C.P.S. (wood chucks per second). Finally subtract the remaining wood (RW) from the chucked total and we have rendered that :  L(W.C.P.S) - (C -RM/t) = X

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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