what do you call an octopus with 9 tentacles? a male octopus

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What did Santa say when he fell down? Ouch

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Q: How many Jewish people can fit in a four door sedan? A: 4, or possibly 5, depending on the sedan's optional seating, and depending on whether the gentleman are comfortable enough with each other to scoot closer to allow a 5th friend to join in.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

How do Chinese parents name their children? With deep thought and consideration about a thoughtful, respectful and honorable name.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

How do you know when you've ritten too many anti-jokes? When you answer your own question as a rhetorical device

thumb_up thumb_down +14

why was the little boy sad? he had a frog stapled to his face.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Whats red and crawls up your leg? A homesick abortion.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What did Thomas Jefferson's children call him? Grandpa

thumb_up thumb_down +12

your mother is so fat that she probably watches her calorie intake every day

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A man told another,"You suck." The insulted man finished the sentence,"On juice boxes."

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why was the prostitute's throat sore? Allergies.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

When life gives you a hamburger, you know you're at Mr. Life's Hamburger Stand on 8th Avenue.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Smelly Indians.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side! :)

thumb_up thumb_down +12

— Knock knock. — Who's there? — Funny. — Funny who? — A funny joke.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

why did the monkey fall out of the tree? it was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

what did michael jackson do when i swore at him? nothing he's dead

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What's worse than one cat stuck in a tree? Getting raped

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Knock Knock. Who's there? A Jehovah's witness.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

roses are red violets are blue tulips are white daisies are yellow

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why was the mime crying? Her husband died.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Chuck Norris and 2 other cowboys were out in the old west. After a long day of travel in the desert, the three of them set up camp for the night. Having sat around their fire silently for some time, the first of the cowboys decided to speak up. "You know," he said, "I believe I am the manliest man here! Why, this one time I was riding all alone through the desert on my manly horse when I stumbled upon a town that had no name. Upon entering the town, I realized that the townspeople were in a panic. Everyone was fleeing for their lives and screaming. So I grabbed the nearest woman to me around the neck and demanded of her, 'What the hell is going on around here?!!!' The woman, terrified, only managed to stammer and point. Low and behold, there was a wild bull skewering people through the heart. So, what did I do? I got down off my tall horse and grabbed the bull by the horns and looked him straight in the eyes, broke his neck, crushed his testicles, rammed my fist into his chest, pulled out his heart and ate it! That is how much of a man I am!" There was silence quite for a while. Soon the other cowboy cleared his voice and said: "You, know, that's pretty good, but I am more of a man than that! Why, this one time, me and a few of my manly buddies were off on a horse trip. I was bringing up the rear of the line when all of a sudden I heard a commotion at the front of the line. Kicking my fine horse with my spurs, I raced ahead to see what was the matter. Low and behold, there was a twenty-foot rattler that had consumed my friend whole! So, what did I do? I got down off my tall horse and ran over to the snake, grabbed him around the neck, crushed his testicles, bit off his head, sucked the venom from its cold, lifeless body and then spit it upon the dry ground like acid! That is how much of a man I am!" After this, there was another silence. The two cowboys looked one another over, each recognizing the other to be a fine specimen of what it is to be a man. They then both patiently waited to hear Chuck Norris' response. But there was only silence. Off in the distance an owl hooted. A coyote howled. Still, silence. Chuck Norris didn't say a word; he merely continued to sit calmly and stir the coals of the fire with his penis.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Q.What did the homeless kid get from santa? A. Play Doe. Because he was a good boy. Q.what did the Rich Kid get form santa? A Coal. Because he was a bod boy. The rich kid then got mad and threw the coal at the homeless kid hitting him on the head which killed him of enturnaly bleeding.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Three guys walk into a bar.....The fourth one ducks...

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops