A man walks into a bar. It turns out he's an alcoholic, and he goes home and beats his wife.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Q : Who is the most famous celebrity, Lady Gaga or Justin Bieber? A : Neither, because they are just fads.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Q. What happened to the dog when he was kick in the privates? A. Nothing he was neutered a year ago.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

what is my catphrase nothing I am too good to have one

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Q: What does one man with alzheimer's say to the other man with alzheimer's. A: Purple, because magic doesn't go through chickens.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

why did radio not get the song? beacause he radio didnt work.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Q:why is steven balmont gonna beat up mr fatty goral A:because hes a fat czech Shout out to my mandem lewis hall&moses

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What do you say if you see a black man with blood on his hands and he has a mask on? Thank you doctor for saving my sons life!

thumb_up thumb_down -24

A man walks into a bar holding a magic lamp. The bartender asks "what are you holding?" The man says "It's a magic lamp." The bartender looks at the man and scratches his head. It turns out the bartender has had a problem with lice in his hair. If you believe in a magic genie is going to grant any wishes you're reading the wrong story. Anyways, the bartender buys medicated shampoo and no longer has head lice. The guy with the magic lamp was totally worthless.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Roses are red violets are red I think I'm bleeding It's getting in my eyes

thumb_up thumb_down -24

A Hideo Kojima AntiJoke Typed by Hideo Kojima. Idea By Hideo Kojima. Concept By Hideo Kojima Spacing by Hideo Kojima Controlled for typos by Hideo Kojima Overseen By Hideo Kojima Aproved By Hideo Kojima. Reconsidered By Hideo Kojima Accepted by Hideo Kojima What took you so long?

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

hey i just met you,but this is crazy, my name is kony and i just took your baby

thumb_up thumb_down -24

It works on whoever I have an emotional attachment with, for example people might be thinking you and I write in the exact same style, but I am actually copying your way of typing (spelling, word composition etc) this because we relate on a deep emotional level with people that like "get us" because they can act and behave like us. This again doubles the effect of the hypnosis, since when I get "super high on trance" and you feel that way, well, we both reach into the same wavelength, literally. Scientists and hypnotists supposedly have no idea as to why this happens, but I know, it is because our brain patterns are so similar, that even though we are at a long distance, your body believes itself to be an extension of mine and the other way around. How do I know this? Yogurt.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Why did the black person eat fried chicken Because fried chicken tends to be an abundant food in the African American community and that was the quickest and cheapest weekend afternoon food source nearest to his house. It is also found in many other communities throughout the country and even the world. Oh yeah, he was hungry

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What did the boy with no arms and legs get for Christmas? A mechanical wheelchair.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What do you give a homeless person? Poop in a bottle.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Why did the blonde fail her drug test? She's actually never did drugs before but since she didn't show up for appointment, that counts as an automatic fail.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

How did Jimmy get into the R movie? He bought a ticket.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Why is the country in a national deficit? Because the Illuminati want to control all human beings in a socialist new world order.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Why did the Mexican jump the border? Because his mom told him the grass was always greener on the other side... She lied.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Q) How many times did the woman jump off the cliff? A) Once she died.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

how do goldfishes drown? you pull them backward water fills there lung and there die

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Q: Where is the One Piece? A: My girlfriend is wearing it.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops