Why was the man sad? His wife left

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Where did Little Johnny go when the bomb hit? Everywhere.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did the booger throw a fit? Because it was getting picked on.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What did the wife get her husband after he became a paraplegic in a car accident? Divorce papers.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What did the Irish nun say on her deathbed? "I now realize that smoking was an unhealthy habit and I regret that I made the choice to do so." Then she died

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did old Dorris shit herself? Because Margaret fell over.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did the KFC worker dislike his job? He was paid lower than minumum wage due to the plummeting economy.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Did you know Helen Keller had a playground in her backyard? Neither did she

thumb_up thumb_down +16

HOw do u DEFeat thE hatErsz shitted on em

thumb_up thumb_down +16

There is a very old lady at the bottom of a long flight of steep stairs with a large amount of groceries piled up in her hands. How did she make it to the top?? She walked.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What do you call a person who is black? A black person.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What did the Scientist say after he created Frankenstein? - I just created Frankenstein.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why do midgets laugh when they run? Because the grass tickles there balls

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Q: What did the air freshener say to the car??? A: Nothing. Air fresheners are inanimate objects

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did Billy kill Joey? Joey had sex with Billy's wife... and Billy wanted revenge.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why'd the bird in Ohio fall out of its nest? There was a squirrel that was eaten by a large eagle. The eagle then flew to Ohio and died. Then, a large dog grabbed the Eagles corpse and brought it to his owner. The owner then decided to have it for dinner. Inside the eagle, he found the squirrels bones. He put the bones in a catapult, and sent them flying. The bones hit a car and the car slipped off the road and into a river. Then, a whale put the car on its back and swam to the shore. At the shore, the whale got stranded and sadly died. Crabs surrounded the whale and ate it. One crab then ran away and up a tree. It found a stapler and a rubber dinosaur mask and gave it to a chipmunk. The chipmunk climbed up the tree, stapled nuts into the birds eyes and stapled the rubber dinosaur mask to its face, the bird got scared, and then all of the sudden the chipmunk stapled itself to the birds back. The birds family then came and shoved the two out of the tree because they hated chipmunks, and their son Timmy the bird was a disappointment. The bird and the chipmunk fell and died. That is why the bird fell.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "why the long face?" The horse does not answer because he is a horse, and neither speaks nor understands the english language. He looks around, and is confused by his surrondings. He gallops out of the bar, knocking over a few tables.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A pirate walks in to a bar. The bartender notices he has a steering wheel in the front of his pants, so he says to the pirate, "you know you've got a steering wheel in your pants, huh?" The pirate responds, "Arrrrrrrrr, it's for me carrrrr."

thumb_up thumb_down +16

How many kids does it take to fix a light bulb 5 1 to fix the light bulb and the others to get in the van

thumb_up thumb_down +16

what do you call a Mexican driving a plane? a pilot you were probably to racist to work that out

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did the boy get and iphone? It was his birthday

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Person #1: Hello captain obvious. Person #2: Hello.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Whats black, dead, and hangs from a tree in my backyard? Your Mom

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops