Why was little Mat petting his dog? Just kidding his dog died in a house fire... so did little Mat

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How do you burn alot of calories? Set a fat kid on fire

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A bloke walks into a bar. He doesn't say 'ouch' because it was a public house and not a hard surfaced object as you may have thought initially

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The Dark knight rises................. From the place he was before he rose.

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A man goes to his doctor and says, "Help me, my wife thinks she's a chicken." The doctor recommends a nearby psychiatrist to analyze the wife's mental instability, and inevitably she is housed in an insane asylum. The husband commits suicide.

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Why did the Fly die? Cause it died the average life span is 30 days.

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Double-whammy

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What's green and eats nuts? Syphilis.

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What do you call a mexican man working at a Taco Bell? A young man freshly out of high-school, who could not get into college because his family is sadly struck with poverty. He also has a baby on the way, due to his poor choice of not using protection when having relations with his girlfriend while he was intoxicated. I wish him the best of luck!

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saftey torch you can out it on the porch. saftey torch put it in the hallway. saftey torch scare the monsters away. saftey torch that'll be 50 bucks.

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A man wakes up after a long night with a girl he recently met. He pulls out a cigarette, and looks for his lighter, but can not find it. He asks the girl if she has a lighter and she replies "There might be some matches in the top drawer of my dresser." He opens the top drawer and finds some matches.

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So a train conductor is going at 70 mph to to a destination 50 miles away. He goes over 3 hills, one at 20 mph, the other 42 mph, and the last at 63 mph. He crosses 2 bridges at 47 mph each. What did the train conductors mom eat for dinner that night Nothing she had cancer and died.

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Yo' momma is so old she should probably go to the doctor and check her health so she can live a longer, more healthy life.

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Person 1 Hey man what's up Person 2 nothing much I just impregnated your mom

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How do you make a retard make a sound like a dog? Douse him in gasoline and light him on fire. WOOF!

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what's worse than people who aren't funny? ryan vallee

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What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Whatever their names happen to be.

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What did the one battery say to the other? Nothing. Batteries can't talk.

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Why did the Black man cross the road? To get to Pop-Eye's since KFC is too expensive nowadays. HELL-YA

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My mom was telling my brother how much it hurt when she stubbed her toe. He told her she should try child birth.

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Why was the boy sad? Because his pet bird couldn't fly. Why couldn't the bird fly? Because it was dead.

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How do you call a guy that ran over 10 children A bad driver

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Why did the man walk into the wall? He was blind.

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Whats better than winning an award? Not having your family shot to death

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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