Q: Whats the difference between a lamborghini and a pile of dead babies? A: I don't have a lamborghini in my garage.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Q: How do you make a five year cry twice? A: There are many ways, as children are generally not that adept at controlling their emotions. Loud noises, threats of violence, images of scary monsters... those tend to work. Be sure to let them stop crying before making them cry again, otherwise you will have only made them cry once.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

What's even better than finding 10 bucks in your pocket? Getting into heaven.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Roses are Red Your Face Has Turned Blue This Pillow I have Is Smothering You

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Why did the stop sign run a red light? Because it couldn't see its face...

thumb_up thumb_down -32

what did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? wheres my tractor

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson are camping out. After they set up their tent and get inside to go to sleep, they look up at the stars. Holmes asks Watson to make a deduction. "Well, Holmes, I think it's highly probable that other planets outside our own, among those many stars up there, could have sentient life." Holmes points up and says, "Someone stole our tent, you idiot."

thumb_up thumb_down -34

The teacher asks Timmy "why is your cat at school today?" Timmy says, crying, "Because I heard my daddy say to my mommy, 'I'm going to eat that pussy when the kids leave.' so I'm saving him!"

thumb_up thumb_down -34

How do you get four gay guys on a bar stool? Using teamwork and coordination, each can place one foot on the seat of the stool, and using each other for balance and support, they can all stand on the stool. The fact that they are gay is irrelevant.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

a boy jumps off a building why? because he's afraid of heights

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Q: What's worse than ten dead babies nailed to one tree? A: One baby nailed to ten trees.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Sammy bought 48 donuts. He ate 36. What was Sammy left with? Diabetes. Sammy was left with diabetes.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

What do you call a rabbit with carrots in its ears? Anything, it can't hear you!

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Kittens are orange, puppies are grey, and they both make good pets

thumb_up thumb_down -34

how do you kill a blonde with a pistol Put the clip in and shoot her

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Two men walk into a bar. An hour later another man sees them knocked out on the ground. Q: What Happened A: They walked into a BAR.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

A man walks into a bar After months of rehab he is giving in to his drinking abuse again and will ruin his life as well as his family

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Homo say what?

thumb_up thumb_down -34

What did Sir Mix a lot say to the girl with a big butt? Your very beautiful.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

what is the best way to stand out from the croud? open up your butt hole and take a video for to put on dat jumbotron

thumb_up thumb_down -34

What's the difference between a volleyball and a tree? They're both volleyballs except for the tree.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

A devout Christian dies. Peter winks as his soul passes through the impenetrable Gates of Heaven. Everyone is gay and– like, gay as in happy– Fags aren't allowed in Heaven.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Shut up max im not fucking demented u dickhead

thumb_up thumb_down -34

What is the difference between being a serial killer and a doctor? I'm not a doctor.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops