If life gives you lemons.... Life is an abstract noun not a physical object so it can not give you lemons.

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Whats funnier than 24 ? 25

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"I'm terrible at writing jokes." -80% of the people on here.

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What's the difference between Justin Beiber and gay people? Quite a bit, actually, because Justin Beiber is one person, and "gay people" is a community.

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Yo mamma's so fat, she's self-concsious about her weight and is embarassed when people make fun of her weight which makes her escape to her only friend, food, which makes her even fatter, so she will never lose weight until society accepts her and is not so prejudice towards overweight people.

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Guess where my mom lives? Utah? Correct Guess where my dad lives? Utah? Correct Guess where my aunt lives Utah!?!?!? NO!!!! Trick Question b... she's dead

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MAKE

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what's worse than falling and scraping your knee? living within a 10 mile radius of a Japanese nuclear reactor

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What do you call a man running around town with no clothes on? Naked.

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Two muffins are in an oven. Neither of them talk due to the fact that they are muffins and are inanimate, therefore denying them the ability to talk.

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Why didn't Tyron run from the police? He had no legs.

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why was the boy mad? He had a lot of homework that evening

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Q:Why are dinosaurs extinct? A:Well there are two reasons the first being a giant meteor struck the earth killing all the dinosaurs. The other reason you touch yourself at night.

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A man and his friend go hunting,one falls in a hole and appears dead. The friend calls 911 and asks what to do, the operator says ok first we need to make sure he's dead. The friend checks his pulse and finds out he is living, then an ambulance is sent and the hunter lives with minor injuries.

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You decide, drink or drive. But don't do all 3 at the same time.

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Uh no, yogurt as in the bacteria that they add to milk in order to make the finished product yogurt. You see, while the effect is seen in twins (for example if one twin gets raped, the other gets a fucking sore ass) Sorry, I am still under trance here myself, you get out of it, I am gonna have some fun, go splash some water on your face. I mean people go like "woah that is impossible it only happens in rare cases and so on right?" Fun stuff: Yogurt, you can seal yogurt in a steel container miles away after separating its culture (basically having a colony living together and then moving them away from each other as in 30000 kilometers and sealing them in soundproof safe`s and whatnot. Feed one half of the yogurt, and the other one far far away begins munching into thin air, now keep the food close to the yogurt, and the bacteria will begin "begging for it" (as in when baby chicks notice the parent has arrived with food), and so will the culture of yogurt sealed in a safe 30000 miles away. Why? Living in similar states, brings a natural connection, we are attracted to similarities, and as far as the human knowledge of the LAW of attraction goes, distance is not a factor, look it up, or just believe me.

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Got in a Taxi and the driver said "You'll never guess who i had in the back of my cab the other day". I said "It's probably pointless me trying to guess then ".

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neil likes pube toast

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Why did the Mexicans climb the fence? When they were tossing frisbee and accidentally tossed it into their neighbors yard and they had to go get it.

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A doctor walks out of the delivery room, he then relieves a nervous father, telling him that his new baby girl has just been born with great health. The father sighs in relief as happiness overwhelms him. With such great news, the doctor chuckles and continues on with more information. Your wife died during the delivery.

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Why did the black guy still have price tags on his clothes? He forgot to take them off.

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What did the homeless man get for Christmas? Nothing.

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This time I saw it, so that is covert hypnosis, I mean normally people are aware that they are under a trance, but like now it was like huh? Until the last point there. You used caps in order to make it seem as if you where shouting, the mind reacts that way and bam! The hypnotic state leaves... ...I was kinda beginning to enjoy that... Nice, now I totally do not want to eat this thing, strawberry my butt.

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What do u do when u hear about a smart Blonde. Cant think of anything? Exactly

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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