How many kleptomaniacs does t take to screw in a lightbulb? What lightbulb?

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting your car repossessed.

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How long does it take jimmy hoffa to screw in a light bulb? A: Jimmy Hoffa is dead and incapable of screwing in a light bulb, however if you change the tense of the question to "how long WOULD Jimmy Hoffa HAVE TAKEN to screw in a light bulb" then the approximate answer would be around 1 1/2 minutes if Mr Hoffa had proper dexterity an motor control that was comparable to the average human.

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What do you call a man whos had his arms ripped off in front of you? An ambulance, because with an injury such as this, you can die anywhere between 10 and 45 minutes

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A train conducter conducts goes at 60mph, when he goes under a bridge he goes at 52mph. When he goes over a hill he goes at 47mph. If he goes under 3 bridges and over 6 hills what did the conductors mother eat for dinner that night. Nothing, after many months of suffering she died from Huntington's disease.

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "why the long face?" The horse does not answer because he is a horse, and neither speaks nor understands the english language. He looks around, and is confused by his surrondings. He gallops out of the bar, knocking over a few tables.

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Got in a Taxi and the driver said "You'll never guess who i had in the back of my cab the other day". I said "It's probably pointless me trying to guess then ".

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Knock Knock Who's There The police, your under arrest.

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Two peanuts were walking down the street..........pepper.

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What the difference between a black person and a piece of shit in a bucket? The bucket

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Obesity runs in your family. To bad no one runs in your family.

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One,two,skip a few... five,six,seven,eight...(and so on ad infinitum)

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm a skitsofrantic, and so am I

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Knock Knock Who's there? Your mom. Just kidding, it's the pizza guy. Pizza guy who?

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Why do beavers have flat tails? They don't know but their relatives certainly get upset

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What is less funny than a clown? Another clown ... but with fewer limbs.

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What was the black guy doing in Mississippi? Just hanging around.

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How do you stop the mailman from performing his daily routes? You fill his house with blood thirsty bobcats

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Q:Why did the little girl jump in the pool and drown? A:because she didn't know how to swim

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Why do you call a person who spits in your cheeseburger? A mean person

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what did the super popular, beautiful girl say to her stalker? i dont know, i wasnt the stalker.

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what do you call a dumb blonde with no arms? Her name because she will not respond to anything else

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Where did the RICH black man go to? His home

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Why isn't Billy Mays on TV anymore? Beacause Billy Mays was in a tradgic accident where a bowling ball fell on his head, and a couple days later he died of head trama. His family can't bear to hear his voice anymore.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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