what`s green and flys a plain i was kidding about the green

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I painted my dog to look like pizza. Someone ate him. It was my mom.

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Subject A: Knock Knock! Subject B: *silence* Subsequently, Subject A dejectedly walks home and hangs himself.

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When Chuck Norris plays Modern Warfare 2, he gets more care packages than Haiti did.

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Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Gary.

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Did you hear about the homosexual that walked out of a hospital? He just found out he was HIV positive. (ic3)

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Why couldn't the infant read the book? Because he was blind.

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Why didn't Little Timmy's parrot talk? It's neck had snapped.

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What do you call a guy with a car on his head? Immediate identification would not be possible. The man would be referred to by his estimated demographics. Circumstantial evidence and dental reports may be required for identification at which points the family's would be notified. Only after this will the man's name would be released to the media who would in turn report this.

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What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut.

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How many new born babies does it take to cover the wall? Depends on how hard you throw'em

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What's it called when an abusive alcoholic father iguana has trouble connecting with his wayward teenage drug addict son iguana, while at the same time the mother iguana doesn't come home till late hours and constantly calls her daughter iguana a slut? Reptile Dysfunction.

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What's worse than a papercut? Dying

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Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I`ve got a car behind me. Don`t worry about that you have aids.

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So Bob walked into his house after a long day at work and layed a rope on his bed. A few hours later his wife came home and found a beautiful tire swing in their backyard but her husband shot him self in his throat.

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What did the man say when he was stabbed on the street? Nothing, because he died.

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"Hey, did you hear that the Dungbeetles got a divorce? They live in California so she got half his shit."

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How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? The answer is not definitive and involves several factors including the size of the woodchuck, the woodchuck's teeth, the climate in which that woodchuck lives, and the tenacity of that particular woodchuck at achieving his goal.

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three mexicans walk into a bar... the bartender says get the fuck out!

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A clown walks into a bar and orders a pie. After about 2 minutes, the bartender gives him a pie. Later, a blonde walks into a bar and orders a cake. After about 1 minute, the bartender gives her a cake. Then a dog walks into a bar. It doesn't order anything because it's a dog.

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One day a black man went and bought a car with his own hard-earned money.

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There was a blonde, brunette and red head driving in a car. The car breaks down so the three of them decide to walk. So the red head takes water bottles, the brunette takes food and the blonde took the car. The red head asked the brunette why she was taking the food, the brunette said "incase i get hungry i can eat" then the brunette asked the red head why she brought water the red head said "incase i get thirsty i can have a drink. Then the brunette asked the blonde why she brought the car the blonde said "to drive home".

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Why didn't the man walk up the stairs? He had an acorn stairlift.

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You must be Jamaican cause you have long dreadlocks and you are listening to Bob Marley

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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