I once met a giraffe, It needed a bath, When I turned on the water, It started to swim, Because it was actually a fish.

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If you want to make the little things count, teach midgets maths!

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Texas! You are doing it the wrong way! Learn from Hitler, gas is cheaper.

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What's worse than getting sockson your birthday? Getting cancer on your birthday.

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There are two muffins in the oven. The first says to the other, "Its getting hot in here." The second, befuddled, replies, "AHH! A talking muffin!"

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What do Michael Jackson and most Catholic priests have in common? They're dead.

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Why did Timmy start a fire? Because Timmy was a derranged phycopath

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? -death -kidney failure -gall stones -getting in an automobile accident -getting struck by lightning -getting sodomized -embezzlement -deception -HIV/AIDS -illness of any nature -world hunger -the holocaust -Zimbabwe's economy -getting hit by a train -getting hit by a bus -the hives -getting bit by an alligator -head injuries -being arrested -childhood obesity -sexual predators -highly impoverished areas -losing a finger -getting hit with a bat -corruption -general rudeness -being lost in the woods -contracting a sexually transmitted virus -teen pregnancy -murder -rape -robbery -going blind -losing a child -falling down a well -bestiality -identity fraud -massacres -racism -genocide -mental disabilities in children -bullying -food poisoning -stepping on a nail -eugenics -the mass murder, rape, and theft of the land from the Native people of America -forced assimilation -slavery -brain deteriorating illness -matricide -prostitution - accidentally repeating yourself -prostitution -domestic violence -animal cruelty -pollution -deforestation -global warming -losing your life savings -still birth -oppressive leaders -physical conflicts -world wars and other military conflict -the situation in Rwanda -Inequality in treatment of women in middle eastern countries -auto theft -tax evasion -terrorism -being diagnosed with cancer -clinical depression -prostitution -finding two worms in your apple

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What do you call a black man that is on fire? A Man on Fire. The fact that he is black has no relevance in this situation.

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tell ur mom i love her before i die this would have been a better ending to the tintanic

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Cry me a river. Then build a bridge and become a structural engineer.

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You see that dog over there with no tail? You know what that means, don't you? What? Someone cut it off.

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What do you call a man will dementia who just killed his cousins, wife, children, and teacher. His name. He's still a man until he's put in a mental institution.

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Yo' momma is so fat, that- Wait. Sorry. Too far?

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have u been drinking cannabel soup because you........ahhhhh!!!!! why are you trying to eat me!

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What's brown and sticky? A stick.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Your mom likes dick and so do you

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Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 raped six's mother

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what did the pumpkin muffin say to the blueberry muffin? nothing, because muffins can't talk.

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Did you hear the one about the girl who had three nipples? Neither did I.

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A white man a black man a french man and a mexican are on a sinking ship. The French man says "we have too many of these" and throws a bunch of begets over board. The Black man says "we have too many of these" and throws a bunch of red hot cheetos overboard The Mexican man says "we have too many of these" and throws a bunch of Tacos over board. And then the White man says "we have too many of these" and throws the Mexican man overboard

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I read a haiku. It was honestly quite good. That's basically it.

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Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

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I swear to god it wasnt me Dont swear to go its a sin !

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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