What's the best way to cross the road? Ideally with your feet and legs, consdiering as disabled people usually don't recommend their unfortunate state of affairs. However there are other alternatives which may or may not be better than common or garden walking, such as crane hire - crossing in a crane bucket in a safe spot; chauffer driven limos, which don't do the straight, direct route, generally; and being carried on a replica of Cleopatra's carry couch (but with modern suspension, unless you prefer the up and down motion)

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person: Ask me if i'm a tree other person: are you a tree? person: no

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? getting your ball sack ripped off with a grapple hook

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Panda walks into a restaurant with gun ready to eat, shoot and leave to finish a really good grammar joke, but before he can eat, Animal Control tranquilize him and seize his gun. So all he can do is leave unconscious. Meanwhile someone takes enjoyment in slowly burning the dictionary entry for "Panda".

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because chickens are not very intelligent and was scared by a shadow. The chicken's survival instincts caused it to cross the road, away from the shadow. The chicken crossed the road safely, and is now happily pecking at worms.

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What's green and invisible? Nothing; green and all other colours of the rainbow have wavelengths that occur specifically in the visible range of the electromagnetic spectrum. Therefore any invisible object cannot be green.

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Who won the race between the turtle and the hare? Well, odds are the two creatures wouldn't race given that animals do not speak. However, if they were, the hare would most likely win a land race because of its powerful legs and agility. However, if the turtle happened to be a seaturtle and the race took place underwater, our dear little beloved turtle would win, having the advantage over the rabbit.

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Why did Obama give a speech? Because he is the president and people look up to him

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Hey, in case you are around and still wonder how he got out. Anonymous tip from yours truly, if he had remained there, you would all have taken the blame. Just stay away from the deep web, and I wont be forced to come get all of you as well. For a long while I was suspicious that you might have been leaking information regarding me and all of us, but then the rules changed and information regarding Point Zero, subtle hints and such, began spreading, it has been removed, nobody will know what Intel was sold, so yeah, he was a mole, he is no more, for this I am sorry.

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Why did Billy kill Joey? Joey had sex with Billy's wife... and Billy wanted revenge.

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A grasshopper walks into a bar and no one notices because it's just a little insect.

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did you hear about the little girl who won first place in her school's spelling bee? she was hit by a bus

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Me: Hey frank, wanna die? Frank: No, why? Me: (Kills Frank) Frank: Dude why did you kill Frank?

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Why was the prison full of black people? Because they were all their for security internships.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have ADD Hey look, a squirrel!!

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Why did Tim fall out of the window? Well... he didn't exactly fall... I pushed him

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What's brown and sticky? Feces.

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The good part of "Age" of Ultron? THANOS REIGNS! Disagree? Just leave the green thumb and fuck off!

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Roses are blue, Violets are red, I have to go to the bathroom now...

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Why is the sky blue? Because it is

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What do you do when life gives you lemons? Kindly reject the offer and give it back to life.

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What does the man do to his meat? He beats it.

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Why was Hellen Keller blind and deaf? Because she was a girl.

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why dont you hit a black kid on a bike? its probably your bike.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops