how do you make a plumber cry?.... kill his family

thumb_up thumb_down -3

How do you tell if a politician is lying? You make him take a polygraph test.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

“When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!”

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Roses are red, Violets are too. I'm colour blind, It's a very depressing infliction.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

A cat walks into a Chinese restaurant. It is then asked to leave.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What do a squirrel and a grape have in common? They are both purple except for the squirrel.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why do bears go to school on Sunday's? They don't, bears don't go to school.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

your mum

thumb_up thumb_down -3

DAVE : did you hear the one about the poster? MICHAEL: what?

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why wasn't the black kid allowed in the school? Because it was the Southern United States in the 1930s and due to racial tensions at the time most public facilities were seperated by race.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

(A man goes to visit his neighbor) Knock! Knock! ...................... ................... ................ ............ he walks back home

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why did the chicken cross the road? Most likely for no discernible reason as chickens are animals with poor reasoning skills.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

How did the Mexican get across the boarder? He applied for a student visa. He was a promising young scholar who had no trouble being accepted to a prestigious college.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Friends, they're like food. If you eat them, they die.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why did the student get expelled from a Christian school? He continually beat other students between class periods.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

There once was a man from Dundee, Whose Limericks ended on line three. I don't know why.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen." The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "That driver just insulted me!" The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off! Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

thumb_up thumb_down -3

You are right, the past still has its claws deep within me thank you friend.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What do you call a black flying an airplane? A pilot you racist bastard.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Mary had a little lamb And a side of fries.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

a guy walked into a bar, ordered a drink, sipped it slowly thinking of his waisted youth. then he finished his drink and went home to his wife of 34 years

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why didnt the boy finish the race? Becuase he stepped on a land mine.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

A musician without any music walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Who do you think you are, a hobbit?" The musician without any music says,"yeah" and turns into a hobbit

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Q: what do you call a hooker you pay in spaghetti? A: a pasta-tute.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops