There was an old lady from Ealing Who had a peculiar feeling She lay on her back Opened her crack And pissed all over the ceiling The old lady then lay in her own waste for over two weeks due to neglect by uncaring nursing home staff. Six months later, a hidden camera documentary on underperforming care homes exposed the abuse and neglect and the old lady went to live with her son and his family. In the early hours of May 14th 2011, the whole family were killed in a house fire that gutted the home and saw fires spread to neighbouring houses. Firefighters say the blaze originated in the spare room and was caused by exposed wiring on an electrical blanket. Forensic experts said that the repeated urination on the blanket would likely corrode the wiring due to the acidic content of urine.

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Kanye West walks into a bar. As he is a very popular celebrity, he is recognized instantly. The patrons mob him, asking for pictures and autographs. He is in a pleasant humour that evening, so he indulges them. Some laughs are had, he buys lots of drinks, and takes home two beautiful women. Such is the life of a celebrity. ...but that still doesn't make him happy.

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Three examples of how santa is gay 1) he says HO HO HO 2) he sneaks into your house at night from going down the chimney 3) he knows when u r sleeping and he knows when u r awake BONUS............. Better not pout, you better not cry, better watch out im telling u why.........SANTA CLAUS IS COMING TO TOWN

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a black man and a white man walk into a job interview. neither of them get the job due to lack of skill in the field.

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2 men walk into a bar, the 3rd man ducks and ask them if they're ok

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What did Helen Keller name her dog? Well i would imagine one of various names for a domesticated animal and she would choose the name based on her likes towards nature or an element of nature, being the educated individual she i would think she may name it base on a person of importance, such as an author or maybe a writer that inspires her.

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Situation: 2 cows eating grass on a warm Sunday night. Question: Why does 9+4=3 1/2? Answer: 69!

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Haikus usually make sense, but sometimes they don't refrigerator.

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women's rights

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Whats worse than seeing your family killed in front of your eyes? Not much to be honest

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What should you give your Italian plumber for a refreshment? Water, because he's probably working so hard that he's thirsty.

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What did the Buddhist monk say to the hot dog vendor? Monks do not speak.

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How do you stop an African outlaw who uses child soldiers? Angelina Jolie

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What's the difference between a educated black man & a educated white man? One's black, One's white

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Why was the clock off? Because it was broken

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was curious about something that had diverted his attention.

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An Irishman walks into a bar he asks for directions, and leaves.

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An Asian person drove home safely.

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How does a Welshman take a shit? Like anyone other human being does.

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why did the monkey fall out of the tree? it was dead.

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what did the paraplegic get for his birthday? a bike...

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Daniel G. Likes to perve on the boys in the locker room. Change quick guys!

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John has 7 apples and Lisa has 4 apples John eats 3 apples and Lisa eats 1 apple and give another to John Their diets lacks various essential nutrients

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What do you call a black woman who had 4 abortions? A Crimestopper

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops