Q: How do you make a plumber cry? A: Murder his family

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Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven is a registered sex offender

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Knock knock! Who's there? Hitler, time to shower!

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What happened when Suzy fell off the swing? She hurt herself.

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Q: How many babies does it take to paint a wall?? A: It depends on how hard you throw them!!

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Roses are red Violets are blue You're a whore

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Why didn't the chicken cross the road? He didn't give in to peer pressure.

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What did the priest say to the young boy? Hi.

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what did the little boy say to his mom? nothing his mother died in childbirth.

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G:nock nock B:come in!

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Whats worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm in it Biting into a baby and finding a worm in it

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Why did the chicken cross the road? This website is terrible. Are you servers from 1990? I hope you all get cancer.

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Is the glass half full or half empty? The liquid in the glass is not at exact half, so that question is not answerable.

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Why does the same anti-jokes pop up over and over again? Because people have no creativity.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I am white and I like cold food

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Q: Why did the man have sex with Amanda Seyfried? A: Are you kidding me?

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire? Lawyers exist, are alive and despite all claims to the contrary, can withstand sunlight, garlic and the sign of the cross. They also have reflections and whilst they may eat black pudding from time to time they don't depend on blood as a source of nutrition.

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Why didn't Sammy Robertson make the world series catch to win the series in 1977? Because Sam, like many many discouraged teens in America, didn't follow his life long dream and later became a janitor at his hometown middle-school.

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Why do birds fly South in the winter? Warmer, better food sources and therefore greater chance of survival.

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"....did he fire six shots or only five....." It doesn't really matter, considering he will die of blood loss soon

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A preschool teacher told his class to draw a squirrel. One child proceeds to break into tears. The teacher says "what's wrong Johnny?" Johnny said "my whole family was slaughtered by a gang of squirrels!" this upset the teacher

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What's blue and thrashes about on the floor? A baby playing in a plastic bag. How do you make a man pregnant? Stick a dead baby up his ass! How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole? Stick a javelin through it's head. How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends how hard you throw them. -S

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Knock Knock. Who's there? The police. You're under arrest. The police you're under arrest who? Sir, if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves. We have a warrant for your arrest. Sir if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves we have a warrant for your arrest who? Sir we are authorized to use deadly force. If you don't comply we will shoot to kill. Sir we are authorized to use deadly force if you don't comply we will shoot to kill wh-

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Q: What do a hockey coach and a bar stool have in common? A: because seven ATE nine

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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