So a man walks into a bar, asks for a beer, then drinks it. He then goes home expecting to have dinner with his wife and 2 kids. His wife smells his breath before that and asks him what happens. The men opens to his true and only love and tells her he's having a bad time at work. So they share a hug and talk about it. The man is then renewed, starts pulling up at his job and gets a promotion to general supervisor. He lives happily and watches his kids grow and become professionals. He then dies of a heart attack at the advanced age of 89 while he was watching his favorite TV show.

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Why did the baby fall off the swing? It had no arms or legs. Why did the little girl fall off the swing? Because I kicked her in the face.

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My Texting Convos: "Heyy!" "Hi!" "Watz up?" "nm hbu?" "Same here!" "Koolio!(: So wrud?" "Nothing. Just texting you!" "Yea! Same! I'm so bored! And tired!" "Ikr!" "Yupp!" *No one answers. When this is what you really want: "I love you soooo much!" "Awwwwh!<3 I loe you too!" "Do you wanna go out?(;" "YES!!(:" "ily<3" "iyl2<3" *convo goes on forever(: Moral: Purple tomatoes are books of yellow buttons on hands(;

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What's the hardest part of eating a vegetable? Putting her back in the wheelchair

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what did the dead guy say to the boy? nothing he is dead.

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Two girls are in a car together. The one in the drivers seat is texting while driving. The girl in the passengers seat notices this and tells her the she should put it away in case of a risk of a collision. She apologizes and puts it away and the two of them drive to the store unharmed and continued their normal day.

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Q- what do you call a Jew swimming in the Antarctic? A- Dead, any man wouldn't survive swimming in water that cold

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- Mommy look, I built a sandcastle! - Who cares, you have cancer.

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Why do black people eat Kentucky Fried Chicken? Because there is Protein in chicken and without protein their bodies would succumb to such diseases as Kwashiorkor and Cachexia.

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Knock knock It's open, come in

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I love bacon therefor I love people who eat bacon execpt people who eat my bacon then I hate people who eat bacon

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What's Green and has four wheels? A green car

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why did the blond sop at a red light? because it was red.

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Why is red? He was just murmured by a phycopath.

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I got a boner from the waitress touching my shoulder, please dislike this

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A horse walked into a bar. The bartender asked: "Why the long face?" The horse said: "My wife just died."

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How do you get a Jew into a car? Tell him to get i the car.

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What did the atheist say as Jesus walked past? nothing, he ran to the nearest bar and called the insane asylum.

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Guy 1: When your Justin Beiber af. Guy 2: What Guy 1: Do you mean

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Remember when Jesse Ziegenbein was skinny? yeah niether do I

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Why did the man ask his wife to make him a sandwich? He lost both of his arms in the war.

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Q: Why is it when geese fly in a V that one side is longer than the other? A: There are more geese on that side.

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This sentance contains three errers

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Why did the blond get fired from her job at the M&M factory? Because she threw out all the M&M's with W's on them.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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