what can you blow up and sleep with at night? An air mattress

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What is black and white and red all over? A dalmation that was hacked to death with a machete.

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How can you tell if someone is a global warming alarmist? Their IQ on average is 10 points below normal

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A man is in a bar with a drink A lorry driver comes into the bar and gulps down the guys drink and the guy starts crying the lorry driver says "dont cry ill buy you another" thee guy sas "it's not that today i woke up late for work and when i got there i got fired and then when i went to go home feeling depressed my car doesnt startand so i walk home and i find my wife in bed with the gardener and so i came here to die but you drank my poison"

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? It is unlikely that this situation would occur, as tractors are very large objects and losing one would be very hard, furthermore, tractors are vital agricultural vehicles and most farmers would take care in not misplacing one.

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Q: What did the donkey say to the man? A: "Hello there, sir." it was later discovered the man was tripping on the hallucinogen LSD. Later on the man plummeted to his death after being convinced that he was a pterodactyl, and jumping off of a cliff.

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Why did the rooster cross the road? Because he wanted to prove he wasn't a chicken.

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A guy decides to bring his new blonde girlfriend to a football game. After the game is over, he asks her if she liked the game. She replies: "Oh it was great, I loved watching those men in tight clothes, but there is one thing I don't understand." "What did you not understand?" And the blonde says: "Well, at the begginning of the game, both teams flipped a quarter to see who would kick off first. Then the rest of the game everybody was yelling get the quarter back, get the quarter back, get the quarter back. So I thought to myself, gosh it's just a quarter!"

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whats the difrence between a japaneese and chineese person? one is from japan and one is from china.

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What's the difference between a duck? An orange.

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Can you spell iCup? I see you pee?

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Q. Why did the 40 year old woman puts on a large amount of makeup? A. She may have gerontophobia.

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A man walks into a bar. Three weeks later he gets a liver transplant.

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I walk up in the morning feeling like pdidy who's pdidy grab my glasses out the door I have no glasses girl going to hit the city how do I hit the city ugh this confersasion is over song hmmff

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Q: Why was the teacher sad? A: Because she got fired

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Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Dinosaurs are extinct.

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too bad about that wild ball, you otherwise played a fantastic softball game

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What is better than a 50-inch wide plasma flat screen TV? A 51-inch wide plasma flat screen TV.

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roses are red violets are blue holy sh*t slendermans behind you

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What's better than Sookie? The holocaust

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Why couldn't Jimmy eat his food? Because I threw a microwave at him

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What did the man do with his cat? he threw it in the garbage because he didn't like it

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What's green and frolics in the forest? A flock of cucumbers.

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Hah, I bet a faggot that lost his balls in the war is "above" such things as seduction and all things straight! 25 million US dollars, send them to me within a week, or I will hunt you down by tracking down every single one of your fucking followers (all six of them), and make you wish you where dead. And tell me where you live, send me your sister so I can rape her, send me your boyfriend so I can cut him to pieces, send my your children so I can make sure your genes stop, send my your mothers tits so I can hang them on my wall, and kill your father and post the shit on youtube! Maybe then we are halfway close a settlement.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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