Knock knock whos there? Jake jake who? jake from state farm, and i'd like to tell you about our insurance company

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Your momma's so fat, she's at risk of a number of cardio-vascular problems, including high blood pressure, leading to heart disease, stroke, type II diabetes, and a premature death. She also has an elevated risk of contracting cancer.

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why was the woman crying? her son killed 5 people.

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What did the raisin say to the toaster? Nothing. The raisin lacks a central nervous system, and the toaster is an inanimate object.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? The police. You're under arrest. The police you're under arrest who? Sir, if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves. We have a warrant for your arrest. Sir if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves we have a warrant for your arrest who? Sir we are authorized to use deadly force. If you don't comply we will shoot to kill. Sir we are authorized to use deadly force if you don't comply we will shoot to kill wh-

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why girl die cancer

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What happends when two gay guys want to have kids? They can't, so they go to an orphanage and adopt one.

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Why is Michael Jackson bad at checkers? Cause he's dead.

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What do you call a cat with no ears? Anything you fucking well like. Cats can't understand speech.

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Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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Colloqiual irregularities are a significant part of the English language, and excellent example of this is between can and may.

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A black man is like a sledge hammer; if you compare him to a sledge hammer, he will hit you with a sledge hammer.

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What do you call two spaniards talking in French. Bilingual.

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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Because he has no sense of living and no muscles to move.

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A man walks outside and sits down to eat his sandwich.

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Roses are black, Violets are black, Everything's black, I'm blind.

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How many dead babies can you fit in a bathtub? It's dependent on many factors, like the size of the babies and the tub. It would be a horrific endeavor, and you should probably stop thinking about such things.

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whats not funny and has access to a computer and reasonable internet? Me

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Whats small white and has a hole in it? A powdered Donut

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What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick

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3 men walk into a bar. The 4th one ducks.

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Why did the flight attendant look scared every time every time she saw a muslim get on the airplane? Because her family got murdered in front of her before she came to work

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Fight fire with with fire! That would be impossible, it'd just make the fire bigger. And probably kill you.

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Why was the baby flying? Because it's face was stapled to the propeller of a helicopter.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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