Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread!

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Rose: Mom, why was I named Rose? Mom: Because when you were born a rose petal landed on your head. Rose: Than why is my brother named Brick? Mom: I liked the name.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. Where it had just witnessed a horrific car accident involving it's spouse, who died on impact. Eventually the chicken fell into a deep depression, taking it out on his children in the form of physical abuse. Over time, the chicken ended up being alone, having no contact with his kids, having no friends, and living in a massive house with no one else. One day, he had a stroke, and no one called an ambulance because no one knew.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Rush Limbaugh

thumb_up thumb_down -12

why did the man drop his razor? he had a seizure.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What's yellow and shark infested? Shark infested banana pudding.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy? Gangrape

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What's worse than getting raped by a black guy? Getting raped by a radioactive black guy

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why did the dinosaurs become extinct? Because they wanted to.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

-Whats not funny and has wheels? >What? -The Holocaust... I was lying about the wheels

thumb_up thumb_down -12

why did bob eat the cookie? because he was hungry

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Knock Knock. Who's there? The Ambulance. Ambulance who? Sir, we're going to need you to come down to the hospital, your son is dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

I painted my dog to look like pizza. Someone ate him. It was my mom.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

So I picked my nose while peeing, and it fell in the toilet so I didn't have to wipe it on anything. This is more of a story I wanted to share than a joke

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Two people are sitting on a 10th story window sill. They both fall off and die.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Looks like you are having a TUFF time recovering from the game.....lol.....

thumb_up thumb_down -12

roses are red, violets are blue, some poems rhyme, but this one doesn't.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What do you call a man will dementia who just killed his cousins, wife, children, and teacher. His name. He's still a man until he's put in a mental institution.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father shits on his desk.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

A guy walks into a bar. But this was a bar like a pole, so the man ended up with a broken nose.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

I hear Lebron has a new phone. He has it on silent all the time. It's because he doesn't want to disturb anyone around him while they prepare for important games in which he will be an indispensable part of, especially during the 4th quarters of the NBA Finals.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why did the old man go to the retirement home? The 75 year old man had a 45 year career in pluming and he thought it was a good time to retire after saving enough money to be happy and he could spend the rest of his life with his wife. The retirement home was also not that far away from his grandchildren so he liked the location and the home was also very clean and the workers seemed very nice. But this was just a visit to see if he liked it, he may live there soon.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Fred and DooDah go to their favorite lake to fish. After getting out on the water, DooDah hooks a huge fish, which pulls him overboard, and he drowns. Fred is brokenhearted and goes to tell DooDah's wife the news. She opens the door and hears Fred sing: "Guess who drowned in the lake today? DooDah! DooDah!"

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Your friend says "Hi" What do you say back? You say "chunky salsa?" She said "what?" You think she knows you made out with her boyfriend last night. So... You blurt out " I'm SO sorry I made out with your boyfriend lastnight" Know.... Your dead meat.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops