ok so ive been pondering for a while now for a joke to submit and here is what ive got, tell me what you think: quif stain

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Roses are red Violets are blue classic

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Why did the Iraqi cross the road? Because he was hired by the CIA as an undercover operative to lead them to a highly dangerous target in the small town of Aziziyah and was leaving the area to avoid the impending Pavelow strike on the town center.

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Roses are red, Violets are purple.

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roses are red violets are blue does this smell like chloroform

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A blind man walks into a bar. I mean a fence.

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What's worse than a worm in your apple? A Holocaust in your apple.

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What did one dolphin say to the other after watching a banana dance with an afro. My pancreas was replaced with a mango.

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Dubstep = a computer with a noisy virus.

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What did the dead baby say to horse? Nothing, it was dead

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What did the vegitarian order for brunch. VEGITARIANS DONT BELIEVE IN ICE CREAM>

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Q: What did the lesbian say to her partner? A: We cannot get married in forty five states.

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Why was the man like a chimp? Because they are 96% genetically identical.

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What's the difference between ten dead babies and a Ferrari? There's no Ferrari in my garage.

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I have magical powers. Try your best to not to follow these instructions: Ready? Go. You are now blinking your eyes. (strike 1) You are now breathing voluntary. (strike 2) You suddenly have an itch somewhere on your body. (strike 3) You lost. Thanks for playing my little game. Hope you enjoy thinking of a flying pink elephant with wings.

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Why did the man break all his bones? Because his parachute failed to open

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A girl hands her boyfriend her phone and says it's his dad. He throws it on the ground exclaiming, "My dad's not a phone, duh!"

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Yo moma so fat, it ain't even funny. Seriously. She is suffering real diabetes! Do you know how that feels? I though so...

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Why did the Asian woman get into a car accident? She didn't pay attention in driver school and sped through a red light and hit a bus that killed 14 children.

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Once there was a baby ostrich name Bert. He was the cutest ostrich with those big black beady eyes, fuzzy feathers and funny wobbly baby ostrich walk. I knelt down and as Bert came running towards me as if I were his ostrich father about to protect him from something dangerous. As he got within arm’s reach I punched him so hard he turned into a baby kitten. I decided that Bert was an ...insufficient name for a baby kitten so I said to the purring ball of fuzz “I shall call you Turtle” a kitten named Turtle was a very hilarious conundrum. Things went well for an hour or two and then Turtle decided to pee on my tile floors which infuriated me because everyone knows that cat pee doesn’t come out of carpet! I decided to teach Turtle a football drill called kick the cuddly baby kitten so hard he turns into a koala bear. I sat Turtle on a football tee and suddenly our eyes met and he stared at me with the cutest face a kitten has ever made I took three steps back and turned back towards him. I stared into his big baby kitten eyes and then at a running sprint kicked him as hard as I could into the wall. There was a quiet sound like that of a space shuttle taking off into outer space. As I looked to see where my kick had sent Turtle soaring through the air, I found to my surprise, Turtle had turned into a cute cuddly baby raccoon. I walked across the room and scooped up the adorable baby raccoon. A raccoon named turtle was just too absurd so I decided to give the furry ball of warmth a new and more appropriate name. I stared into his cute raccoon eyes and declared aloud, “I shall call you Dorito!” I rocked Dorito calmly back and forth in my arms until he was fast asleep. A thought then entered my head, how funny would it be to put Dorito into a chip bag? I chuckled aloud and then decided my mind was set. I pulled a chip bag out of my backpack and carefully pulled the bag open and realized I’d been scammed! Inside the bag was a single Dorito chip. I then ate my Doritos.

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What time is it in China right now? I have no idea, it would depend on when you are reading this. Perhaps you should look at a world clock, watch, or some other sort of time-telling device rather than humorous website. Its purpose is not to tell time. However, there are many other places for this. Good luck surfing the web, friend. I have aided you the best that I can. I only hope that you will find what you are looking for.

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OH MY LUMPIN GOD!

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Why did Suzie fall of the swing? The chain broke.

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man 1 walks by man 2 man 1 says hey buddy whats up man 2 responds do i know you man 1 says no but i saw you seeing a movie on friday man 2 says oh cool but wasnt that movie great man 1 responds ya and man 1 and man 2 become best friends plus man 1 only liked man 2 because he was rich!!!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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