A man dies on the operating table and finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates. St Peter looks at him and says " You are having a hallucination due to all the drugs they have given you and because your brain releases chemicals when you die. I am not real and there is not heaven or a god." Upon resuscitation the man contemplates his hallucination and becomes an Atheist.

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Well, I'm naked so I'm going to go.

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What do you call a really old black person? Someone's grandfather

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Go online. why? To get a quote. why? To save money. why? Because we said so! Parenting can be hard. See how easy it is to save with GEICO.

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They say laughter is the best medicine but i've always found it hard to laugh at cancer.

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What's the difference between a Jewish child and pizza? Pizza does not scream in the oven.

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What do you call a bunch of Cubans on a boat in the Gulf of Mexico? A guy who just so happens to own a boat and is on a fishing trip with his buddies. -Mitch Hastings

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because on the other side of the road people don't question his motives

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why didn't the unicorn have a horn? It was a horse. Why didn't the horse have a horn? it was not a unicorn.

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What's worst than dropping your watch into the gutter? Waking up with a penis on your head.

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What did the catholic priest do to the little boy in the Confessions Took his confessions

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What do you call cheese that's not yours? Not yours.

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Why did man lay down? His dog ate his genitals.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first monkey.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Two giant paint bubbles!

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What's worse than celery stuck between your teeth? A cruise ship stuck between your teeth.

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Knock knock Who's there? Your mom Oh hi mom

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What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a ferrari? I don't have a ferrari in my garage.

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Why couldn't the kid eat his vegetables? His parents stabbed him...

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What is the difference between a calendar and you? A calendar has dates!!

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Why did the man launch his rocket into the sun? He didn't. Overcoming the sun's orbital pull would require your rocket to travel ~7,400,000 mph, which is a velocity that is impossible for today's rockets to reach.

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Awesome! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> minecraftnow.us <

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Why couldnt the pirate get into the movies? Because it was rated pg-13 and his parents didnr likw him watching that

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A man in a car turned left at the end of his road. Then he proceeded .1 miles and turned left again, as his GPS instructed him.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops