How do you keep an idiot busy? Give him something to do.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

So a guy walks into the doctors and say "Doctor it hurts when i poke my knee like this" the doctor says "Let me see your hand" the doctor squeezes the patients finger and the patient says "ow!" the doctor says "now poke you knee again" the patient pokes his knee and says "it still hurts" so the doctor comes to a conclusion and says " you dont have a broken kneecap you have a broken finger, stupid, now get out and leave me alone!"

thumb_up thumb_down -15

A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

A professor of literature asked me, "Young Sir, why are you burning those books?" I replied, "Because I need a fire to cremate the bones of your 3 sisters that I violently raped and murdered" He smirked in a witty and arrogant fashion, until raising his head and saying, "Bond, James Bond" He continued to massage his dick with his own pubic hairs before collapsing and dying

thumb_up thumb_down -15

A man walks into a bar and says "ow"; he stepped on a nail sticking up through one of the floorboards. He then sues the bartender for a large sum of money because of the injury he sustained, and causes the bartender to lose everything he owns in order to pay off his debt.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

How do you put a baby in a blender? Feet first, so you can see its expression. How do you get a baby out of a blender? With chips.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What did the big traffic light say to the little traffic light? It didnt it's a traffic light.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why do women live longer? Because they work weaker.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

I haven't been this tired since the last time I was tired

thumb_up thumb_down -15

my friend said this website was funny, you know what i said?.... its really not!

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What do you call a black man running faster than a white man? Usain Bolt

thumb_up thumb_down -15

why did the little boy cross the road? because he had been raped.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Major League Soccer

thumb_up thumb_down -15

You're a fat chubby McChubchub fatty fatchub because your fat chubby McChubchubfattychub poop is on your fatty fat Mcphat face of fatchubness because you are the fatty lord of McChubby fat kings.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

girls basketball

thumb_up thumb_down -15

there were 2 black men and a mexican man in a car. who as driving? we cant tell from the problem but is is more likely it is a black guy because there are 2 of him and 1 mexican.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

whats worse than the holocaust? nothing

thumb_up thumb_down -15

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? That depends on a variety of factors.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

I swear to god it wasnt me Dont swear to go its a sin !

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why do aliens listen to relaxing music while they have sex? They like to cum in peace. \m/

thumb_up thumb_down -15

How does a man with no arms ride a bicycle? He can't, he loses control and falls over, getting a few scrapes and bruises.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

I used to be into necrophilia, bestiality, and sado-masochism; but then I realized I was just beating a dead horse.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

If dogs hate cats and cats hate mice, than what do mice hate? Themselves.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

If Jimmy in New York has 2 apples, and Tommy in Denver has 4 apples, what is the mass of the sun? 1.989E30 kg.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops