your momma so fat.... that as she walked by....... i missed 3 commercials

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Roses are black Violets are black Oh fuck I'm blind!

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A black man texts his wife to tell her that he is going to be late coming home from work.....Just kidding, pay phones cannot send text messages.

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A man dies on the operating table and finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates. St Peter looks at him and says " You are having a hallucination due to all the drugs they have given you and because your brain releases chemicals when you die. I am not real and there is not heaven or a god." Upon resuscitation the man contemplates his hallucination and becomes an Atheist.

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What did Queen Victoria say when she saw a zombie? "Quick everybody, run, that is a zombie."

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I'd like to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the rest of te people in his car.

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Light travels faster than sound, thats why people look smart until they talk.

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Why don't pineapples grow on pine trees? Because they're tropical.

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a blonde walks into a drycleaning store to get her clothes and on her way out the empoyee behind her says come again and then the blonde says shut up u nosy bitch its just toothpaste this time!!!

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Q: how do you test the sharpness of a knife A: stab someone MR

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RIDE A PONY, RIDE A PONY

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Skrillex.

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I man was taking a major shiit He forgot to wipe

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teacher: who's going to pass english? students: us teacher: not you, i lied about the passing

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Roses are red Violets are blue This font is black You smell like shit

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Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? Because she was a woman.

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What do you call a black man driving a expensive sports car? A respectable member of society

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drugs sex and alchohole are yumme as AIDS

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Tim is a bald headed prick with an annoying voice and he looks like a clean shaven Walter White if he was on the same drugs that he was making and he looks like he smokes too much because the wrinkles on his forehead look like lips.

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why did u put your iphone in the blender?!?!? because i wanted to make apple juice..

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What do u call Lindsay Lohan fall from grace? Probably likely tragic and is also a very useful metaphor for The USA's projected path for global and economic superiority.

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Why was six afraid of seven? Back when seven was in Vietnam, he sufferd Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and constantly has flash backs and irrational thoughts of six being with the veitnamese alliance and tries to viciously molest six whenever he runs out of anxiety medication.

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Opinions are like assholes. I'm not sure how they are alike, but that seems to be the general consensus.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Mike Mike who? Just kidding, it's Danny. Oh okay, come in.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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