A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I will ask you one question, and that will determine whether you can enter Heaven. Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" "No," the man replies, "I always made sure to apologize." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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SHE GOT A BIG BOOTY SO I CALL HER by her real name because she is a woman and worthy of my respect.

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Did you hear the one about the flying turtle? No? Okay I'll tell you about it. So one day there was a flying turtle. His name was Larry and he was a turtle that can fly. However, nobody believed that Larry can fly and he wanted to prove it. So the next day George, who was a flying octopus, called Jerry on his cell phone and told him a story about a Larry. Jerry, who was a media reporter, was so offended by his story and called the police. Question: What did the police say? Nothing because it was a made up story

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Why was the fat lady on the Medicine ball? Because she was fat!

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why are crocodiles so angry? because they have a lot of teeth but no tooth brush?

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What did the cow say to the farmer who was driving by in a tractor? MOOOOOOOO!

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why did Sarah fall of the swing... she had no arms Knock Knock.... Whos there .... Not Sarah

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Fred: Hey man where were you last night. Steve: Why don't yo ask yo mama.

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What do black people eat? Food.

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which is faster a) ferrari b) beetle a ferrari

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A man and a woman are having sex. The man finishes and says, "Oh, God, I hope you're on the pill." The girl says she isn't and begins to cry. Lacking a job or a stable life, the man leaves the woman. The woman has an abortion and suffers irreversible damage to her ovaries.

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Whats a frogs favorite year? 2009!

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How do you get out of a car with only a baseball bat and a hammer? Unlock the door.

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Q. how to kill the germ on a food. A. wash it with bleach.

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What did the dying man say to his friends? Nothing. He had no friends.

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Yo mommas so dumb she took an IQ test and scored low on it

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what would u do if you were having anal sex with a black guy and his penis was sooooo big that it ripped ur asshole? staple it back together

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whats worse than killing people that have bags on their heads? finding out that the people that u have just killed were your own children.

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What Do you say to an atheist after he sneezes? Bless you. Its just polite

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Pikachu walked into a bar. "GO, SQUIRTLE!" the bartender screamed. An epic Pokémon battle ensued, after they got drunk. The end. Pika pi!

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this kid named terry stockton thought it was funny to get someone in the ankle lace then the kid got up and pucnched him in the face so hard he had a seizure

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A goose walks into a bar. Maybe he should have ducked.

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Q: What happens when you throw a glowing purple rock into a bright green stream? A: It makes a splash

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roses are red violets are blue i have Downs Syndrome... and a ding-dong potato

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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