How do you cut the sea in half? You can't. There are an odd amount of letters. You would have to jeopardize the "e", but then it would no longer be "sea".

thumb_up thumb_down +20

There was a boy named Steven, a son of a rich business man. Steven was an interesting child though, as he always kept care to one of his possessions. That possession being a plain, old, brown box. On Steven's fourth birthday his father said he could have anything in the world he wanted, just name it. Steven said he wanted two quarters to put in his box. The father agreed and gave his son two quarters to put in his box. Every year the father would say he could have anything he wished for, and Steven just asked for two quarters. Nothing more. On Steven's 18th birthday he got into a severe car crash. The father stood over the hospital bed where Steven lay. "I can get you the best doctors in the world. They can save you, please let me get you this for your birthday!" The boy shook his head. "All I want is two quarters" Steven replied. The father was distraught. "Son, tell me why you've wanted these two quarters every year you have been alive instead of anything else in the world". The boy complied. "Fine I'll tell you." Then Steven died before he could tell the father. The End.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Do Your Homework: Mum - Well Done Dad - Well Done Get An Award At School: Mum - Well Done Dad - Well Done Figure How To Adjust The Zoom On Your Computer: Mum & Dad - WOW HOW DO YOU KNOW SO MUCH, YOU'RE SO CLEVER, WHO TAUGHT YOU THIS?! Typical ...

thumb_up thumb_down +20

UN

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Knock knock Who's there? The police, your family is dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What did the Muslim say to the Jew? Nothing, as he has been deaf since birth and is incapable of forming coherent speech.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Knock Knock whos there? brad are you thomas brad are you thomas who? for goodness are you a parot or something

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Your mother is so fat; I love fat fat people.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

what did the man with Alzheimer's say to his son? who are you!?

thumb_up thumb_down +20

24

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, as it was a busy highway it was hit before making it to halfway.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

A man told his daughter not to give his dog coffee. His daughter turned and told him that she was his nurse and his alzheimers is getting worse.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

A duck walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender doesn't understand him because he doesn't speak duck and promptly calls animal control to have the duck removed.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

So yesterday i walked into a bar, so what?

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What is the difference between a park bench and a Mexican? The park bench can actually suport a family A. Woj

thumb_up thumb_down +20

How do you kill a hobo? Throw a penny off a clif.. How do you kill another hobo? Tell him the penny's still down there

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Whats worse than the Holocaust. Nothing the Holocaust was the single worst thing to happen ever.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What do you call most people over 50 who aren't married. Divorced

thumb_up thumb_down +20

what looks about a computer which has two wheels? a bike. i lied about the computer...

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why did the girl fall out of the swing? Because she had no arms.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Knock knock? Who's there? Why don't you answer the damn door and find out for yourself?

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Roses are Red, Violets are Red, Everything is Red, I have a retinal hemorrhage

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Your momma's so fat, diet and exercise would probably save her life!

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops