how do you kill a baby? introduce it to alice cooper

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A man walks into a bar He says "ow" and promptly sits down and ices the bruise he sustained

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Does 2 + 2 = fish? No.

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please thumbs this up to help rhinos with boners thank you

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A mother took her little boy to church. While in church the little boy said, "Mommy, I have to pee." The mother said to the little boy, "It's not appropriate to say the word 'pee' in church. So, from now on whenever you have to 'pee' just tell me that you have to 'whisper.'" Then the mother, realizing how her son could later become confused, clarified. She said, "You can say you have to pee as long as you say it in a quiet voice." The boy understood. There were no problems afterwards.

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What would George Washington be doing if he was alive today? Scratching and screaming at the bottom of his coffin.

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Why did the black man get arrested? He didn't pay child support for his 12 bastard children

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What do you call a person with no legs and an eyepatch? Names.

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Q. What happened to the girl who locked her keys in her car? A. I raped her.

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What do you call a tree that grew in the middle of a road? Whatever type of tree it was.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Your best friend. No it's not, you stupid repo man...I'M NOT OPENING THE DOOR.

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How many armless people does it take to change a lightbulb? I dunno, that's why I asked you... Hello?

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Me: Ask my if I'm a secret agent. You: Are you a secret agent? Me: I cannot disclose that information.

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There is a Asian a black guy and a white guy the black guy loves apples the white guy loves pears and the Asian loves Macaroni the white guy gets a apple the black guy gets a pear and the Asian has no lunch so the black guy kills the white guy for the apple and the Asian kills the black guy because he is hungry

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It followed a trail of bird feed that was strewn across the street.

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A woman is shopping at a grocery store. She picks up a half gallon of skim milk, 2 loaves of wheat bread, one dozen organic eggs, and some carrots. She goes to the checkout line. "You must be single." the clerk says. Amazed at the flattering insight of the clerk, the woman says, "Yes I am. How could you tell?". "Because you're ugly".

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Jack just got his new yellow bicycle. His dad got it for his 12th anniversary. Jack was ecstatic to ride it down his street for the first time. He immediately called his friends Paul and Erick and went for his first ride. The neighbors were in AWE when they saw Jack taking off on his new ride. That day the three friends had one of the best day of their young lives, they went up to the lake, had some peanut ice cream and made fun of Alexia. Jack was in love with his new bike and euphoric that they were reunited and did all their favorite things with an incredible amount of passion. Erick hated his new bike.

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So, a man walks into a bar, and he ends up in intensive care, because the bar was very hot and gave him severe burns. He was on business in an industrial park.

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Knock knock whos there? Its me, your doorbell is obviously broken Okay, hold on a sec. Please hurry up, its really cold I cant seem to find my key Its probably on the coffeetable, where you always keep it. No, its not there Check the floor underneith Oh, right, there it is.

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A man walks into a bar and says give me a 84 bourbon, when he gets it he spits it out and says this is no 84 bourbon this is a 74 scotch, So he asks for a 68 brandy , when he gets it he spits it out again in disgust saying this isn't a 68 brandy this is a 87 whiskey!, than the old man next to him says here try this, the man says what is it?, the old man just says try it, so the man does, he spits it out and shouts this is urine!, the old man says correct, now tell me how old i am.

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Whats worse than the holocaust? WNBA

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was dead Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? He was stapled to the first monkey Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure

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What do you call a black guy driving an airplane? A pilot

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I was not scared, I was disappointed, I was expecting to see you for you, not the whole strange outfit getup, what was the point of that? I know the deal about hypnosis and stuff, did you know it is actually known as monoideoism? But I really cant figure for the life of me how it is physically possible to be under a deep state of trance and completely awake at the same time.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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