Q:What's colorful and waves like a flag? A: A flag.

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Whats the best day of the week? Sponge

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Yo mama is so short, she has trouble reaching the top shelf.

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What's worse than getting raped by a bear? Getting raped by two bears.

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Why did Sally have a headache? She had a Brian tumor the size of an eggplant.

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What's the difference between Mel Gibson and a pineapple? Well at a molecular level, not much because both are made up of atoms.

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Jack and jill went up a hill to get some water. Jack fell down, twisted his ankle, and continued to roll. He broke his spine and collar bone and he was later taken to the hospital. Later that night he died because the doctors couldn't do anything. Jill then killed herself in mourning.

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Roses are Red grass is greener every time i think of you i touch my weiner

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How do you tell the difference between a politician and a reindeer? A politician is an employee who works under a strict firm of a government department while a reindeer is a large, grazing ungulate in the family Cervidae that is native to subarctic polar regions of North America.

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Why did the man kill his friend? How am I supposed to know

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Yo mama is so old, that it's becoming apparent that she is most likely developing severe senial dementia

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What do you do if you work in subway? we make the subs put meat on it then put salad on then cut it then wrap it other duites involved but cba to exsplain

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?" The horse answers, "Because I'm an alcoholic."

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Don't tease the fat kids. They have enough on their plates.

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Q: How do you know a chinese guy robbed your house? A: your homework is done, your computer is updated, and 2 hours later he is still trying to back out of your driveway

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Why Is Six Afraid of Seven? because he is black.

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Did you hear about the new German oven? Seats 40.

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What did one rock say to the other rock? Nothing. Rocks can't talk, idiot.

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When is a door not a door? When your house burns down.

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How do you know when you have had too much to drink? When you ran over 7 pedestrians and are lying in the back of a police vehicle

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Whats worse that having cold soup? Cancer

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Why did the man answer his cell phone at 3 AM in the morning? Because his phone was ringing and was probably waiting for an important phone call

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What did the poor family eat for thanksgiving? Food

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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