A man walks into a bar. Because he's had a rough day, he asks the barender for a drink. Then another... Then another... (continued) The man walks out of the bar and goes to his car. He starts to drive back to his house. He wobbly makes turns and closes his eyes every 5 seconds or so. He also talks to his boss on his phone for the majority of the ride. Surprisingly enough, he makes it home safely and doesn't harm anyone else despite the large amount he had to drink. He stumbles into his apartment and goes up to his room. He slumps down onto his bed on his back very heavily, causing the room to shake a bit. He opens his eyes, only to find his glass shandelier falling from directly above his face. His body was found by his girlfriend the next morning. I guess there's no real moral to the story then... Maybe it's: You can drink and drive, but don't put a shandelier directly above your bed... I guess? Wow. What are the odds?

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Josh is sooo great at blowing, xoxo Dylan Hodge.

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Your mother is so fat that it became a problem affecting everyone close in her life. Her new year's resolution was to lose weight, and surprisingly, has become quite healthy since then.

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Why isnt Gemma a Surfboarder? .. Because She was a Stillborn. Why isn't Kate a Ballerina? Because She's paralysed. Why isnt Tommy an Olympic High Jumper? Because He's a dwarf.

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What do you call a man running around town with no clothes on? Naked.

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What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline. Banana soup, Gorilla poop

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What do you call a deer with no eyes? It doesn't really matter but I wouldn't actually call anything because they have very sensitive hearing and will probably panic and, being blind, might collide with a tree.

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What do you call a big group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

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knock! knock! Whos there? Chris Hansen..

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Your moms so ugly, that when i took her out to eat for dinner we built an everlasting relationship. Thats why you call me dad.

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whats the difference between a mexican and a bench? a beanch can support a family

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Man: I just bought this hearing aid Friend: How much did it cost Man: No it's 8 o'clock

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Roses are red, violets are blue, your Mom is a fake, she adopted you!

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If all ziggles are zaggles and all zaggles are zumbles, then why is your mother a whore?

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Knock Knock? Who's There? Sgt Constable Ian. Sgt Constable Ian Who? It's Sgt Constable Ian - I'm here to see you about your alleged rape charges.

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How did the frog fly? It drank a magic potion. How did the snake fly? It ate the frog How the the eagle fly? It already can.

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You're so fake, Barbara Millicent Roberts is jealous of you.

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A man arrives at his work late, his boss says "why are you late?" Then man replys "...................." he was dead.

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roses are rose, violets are violet, now shut up, you retarded black poet!

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Q. What does FIAT stand for? A. Frenzied Italian At Traffic-lights.

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A man walks in to a bar, Has a drink, and leaves.

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What's worse then 10 dead babies in 1 tree? 1 dead baby in 10 trees...

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Why couldn't the turtle swim? Because he went too close to an oil spill, the petroleum got into his mouth and coated his lungs and he is now dead.

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why did the cookie go to the doctor? he had to get a physical to be eligible for his school's football tryouts. his mom drove him there but was very careful not to get his hopes up too high since his chances of actually making the team were slim to none based on the fact that he had no arms or legs but only succulent chocolate chips in every bite.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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