When will Abe Vigoda be alive again? Never. There will never again be a time when Abe Vigoda will be alive. For example, Abe Vigoda will be dead for the entirety of the year 2038. He will continue to be dead if we move forward to the year 2091, and even if we keep jumping forward throughout history, stopping in the years 2250, 2871, and 3546, we will not land in an era when Abe Vigoda will be alive. Another way to look at this is to imagine Abe Vigoda had died in earlier years. Let's say he had died in 1902. Would he be alive today? The answer, sadly, is no. We get the same answer if we suppose Abe Vigoda had died in 1822, 1715, or ~ 85,200,000 BPE. To sum up, it is not precisely accurate to say that Abe Vigoda will be dead for a very long time. That implies a limit on the amount of time he will be dead. There is no limit.

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The Walmart Scooterwhale (Terracetus obesitus) is the only member of the cetacean family to live in a terrestrial environment. Commonly found in large-scale grocery stores all across North America, it subsists mostly on fattening junk food, microwave popcorn, and beer.

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What is white and tastes like cotton candy? Jizzz

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Why did the man scream when his dog ran into the room? Because he was afraid of dogs.

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q.how do u kill a jew? a.you glue a penny to the bottom of a pool

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What happens if you drop a baby of a cliff It dies

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Two chavs jump off a cliff, who wins? Neither. Leaving aside the fact that two people would jump off a cliff in any kind of competitive context is highly improbable, due to the laws of physics objects fall at the same speed and therefore both people would hit the ground at the same time, meaning that, unless either of them deployed a parachute mid way through, they would, in fact, be in a dead heat.

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What do you call a person who is black? A black person.

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What do you call a fish with no eyes? The Mexican blind cave tetra (Astyanax mexicanus).

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Charles missed the stop sign. Charles can't read.

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What's sweet and tastes like candy? Candy, now get in the van.

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Did you know Helen Keller had a playground in her backyard? Neither did she

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A: Why did the chicken cross the road? B: Why? A: If I knew I wouldn't be asking you.

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That`s my friends phone, I can call you from mine too if you want, please just don't hurt me, let me speak to you, I promise I will explain everything.

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Why did the plane crash? Because, it's pilot was a bagel.

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How do you confuse a blonde? Beat her with a spatula while in a mankini with a dildo up your ass!

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So God answered a paralyzed boy's prayer the other day...He said 'No'

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What do you call a hindu that has radiation poisoned A radiatative hindu

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Did you hear about the Mexican boy scout that helped that old lady cross the border.

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What did the man say when he saw a tornado coming his way? "Oh my god, that's a tornado. I better get out of its way so I don't get injured.

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Q: What did the cop do when he saw a mexican in his car? A: Nothing, he was looking in a mirror.

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Whats the difference between a Jew and a Pig? One makes bacon when smoked.

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How do you kill a black man wearing a bullet proof turbin? Shoot him anywere other then his turbin.

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When I see the Viagra commercial telling you about all the side effects and they say "if you have an erection lasting for more than 4 hours, call a doctor." If I have an erection that lasts that long, I'm not calling a doctor. I'm calling my mom; who I always call when I'm sick.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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