- Anti Joke

how did the fat man get up the stairs he walked

What do you call a good anti-joke? something you feel like you should go to hell for laughing at.

A sociopath and his neighbors dog. He got one of those huge dogs the other day, and it took a crap on my lawn, so I put up a wanted poster 50000 dollars Wanted Dead Or Alive, and that dog smells and bites... It did not work, so I took my neighbor out hunting, I shot his dog, "Said sorry I thought it was a moose" He replied "did you have to shoot at him 15 times?" "I replied, I am out of ammo, but if you can borrow me some I can land a few extra..." Asshole got another dog, so we went out duck hunting, he asked me why I brought a hand grenade... "Land ducks, dog shaped non flying land ducks" Also I stole his office nametag and got naked and sat on a random office at his workplace and jacked off to porn, his boss showed up and said "Mr. Asswhipe, just because this is your office you are not allowed to get naked and uh... Watch... Uh private stuff here okay? I smirked and said "Dont worry Boss, its not my office!" I used glue to glue his nametag to my chest okay? He got yet another dog, I shot my neighbor, his dog starved to death, his wife was mourning and bought two dogs to comfort her. Thats okay, I just picked up both chiguguas at once and broke their neck in a single stroke, then I set fire to her house... The wind spread it on to mine... Fuck... I shot her and took her place, its the same as mine basically, just that there is a dead bitch I can fuck... I mean the woman, you think I am pervert or something? Besides you know... They are chiguguas, I mean i tried its... Its just not... You know... HEY RELAX THEY WHERE BOTH FEMALE OKAY? AND NO NOTHING FIT ANYWHERE SO I HAD TO CUT THEM OPEN AND... Moral of the story: Do not shoot the dog! Poor innocent animal! shot the owner, and then the poor innocent animal! NeroMetal, not the fucker that stole my moral system and name to make this site into some fucking cult thing... I do not cult, I you know... Kids... Dogs... Women... (I love them you fucking sicko) I give them candy (candy being my cock yeah you fellow sicko)

Q: How do you starve a Black family? A: By not giving any Food.

A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The father begins by juggling some balls. The mother pulls out her harmonica and begins playing "Dixie". The children and dog try and get the dog to jump through a hoop. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

What is orange and smells like oranges? Oranges.

Why was the girl crying? She had just been severely raped.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. Bend Over.

Q: What said the first bagel to the other? A: Nothing! Bagels can't talk!

What did the sailor say to the shore? Ur a beach!

What do you get when you cross a crocodile and a couch? A coat because vests don't have sleeves.

Biggest lie in America: Sorry, that was my last stick of gum.

Three blondes walk into a bar. They have an intellectual conversation over some drinks.

an atheist and a christian meet in a bar they chat about football, order some pints, and have a really good night.

So, there's three blondes. Two of them walk into a bar. The third one missed it.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it is an animal without a high enough level of intelligence to see the dangers in doing so.

What did the man say to the ugly woman? Your face makes my penis soft.

what did the man say to the other man? hey

Q. Why did Obama cross the road? A. To collect taxes from the houses on the other side

You can pick your ur nose u can pick ur friends u just can't pick ur friends nose.

I haven't left my basement in 29 years

Knock knock! Who's there? Your mother. Oh, hi Mom! Come in!

whats the difference between a fat person and a skinny person ? there weight.

Thumbs up if u dont have aids:)

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Want more? You might be interested in...

Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops