Three old ladies were sitting on a bench. A man walks up and flashes them. The first old lady had a stroke. The second old lady had a stroke. The third old lady called 911 out of concern for her two friends.

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Why did Mary fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock knock Who's there. Not Mary!!

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Why did the scarecrow get promoted? He was outstanding in his field

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have you seen Stevie wonders car? No Neither has he

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Why did the wheel fall of the car?? Cause you can't fit 10 pancakes inside of a doghouse.

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Daughter: Dad I have some news for you Dad: What is it? Daughter: I am pregnant Dad: ... I am so happy I am going to have a grandson, my 27 year old daughter just married and now pregnant, this is a great day!

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A Japanese Nuclear Scientist goes to the swimming pool, and buys a ticket. He went to the changing rooms and proceeded to have a lovely bit of exercise, which helped him burn off the calories from his carbohydrate based luncheon.

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What happens to a fish with no fin on the right side? It repeatedly swims in circle.

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Why did the racist guy die? Because the black guy stabbed him with a fork.

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Guy 1 : "I like your hat." Guy 2: "That's my hair, you moron."

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walk into your friend’s house and say “what’s up with the dead guy out front?” (you have to murder a person for this joke to work)

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How do you acquire a bomb? Go to the bomb store.

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What do you do if you are locked inside a car with a baseball bat? Unlock the car

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What did Jesus say when he was nailed to the cross? AHHHH WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS!?!?!? MY HAND!!! MY HAND!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!! JUST KILL ME!!! PLEASE WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!?! MY OTHER HAND AHHHH!!! HAHAAAAAAAAAaaaa..... AHHHHHHH WHY?!?! MY LEG!!!! MY FOOT NO!!!!! PLEASE!!!!! Ah AH AHHHHH!

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Why did the cop hate black people? He was a racist.

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why did the chicken cross the road? it was suicidal.

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what lies in ore an develops a golden tan ken bigleys body

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I forgot how the joke starts but the punchline goes something something something your moms a slut.

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What's worse than losing your phone? 9/11

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Why did the woman get into a car accident? She was blind.

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Whats white and goes up? a confused snowflake

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Hey babe, did it hurt when the doctor cut off your umbilical cord when your mother gave birth to you. Because I have a bellybutton too!

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Why did the man take off his pants A: because they were uncomfortable to sit in

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Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? She's a woman

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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